"The happiest people in the world are those who feel absolutely terrific about themselves, and this is the natural outgrowth of accepting total responsibility for every part of their life." ~Brian Tracy~

Another bright and sunny day in Anchorage but where's the warmth that is supposed to go with the sunshine?

Sam spent a couple hours at the shelter today and I am sure the dogs loved walking outside with him. Or maybe he loved walking outside with each of them more.  Who knows?  He is always in a great mood in the evenings when he's had his dog therapy.

Yesterday I noted Sam searched for a place to purchase some new glasses; however, I did not mention the reason why.  The other morning he told me his vision is getting a little bit fuzzy and he is needing to wear his glasses all the time. When he told me this, that little voice of panic inside me started trying to decide if this is due to age or to other possibilities, including the cancer's arrival in his brain. I do believe it is that good ol' aging factor, but that other possibility hangs in there and probably always will until the end. Since the cancer has spread to pretty much everywhere else in his body, the odds are good it will one day spread to his brain. I have to admit that thought lives with me day in and day out. I just try not to focus too much on it because it does not do either one of us any good if I do.

Hiking Flattop for the first time.  May 2008

Tomorrow he sees Dr. Rabinowitz ( www.alaskaoncology.com). Sam always has interesting tidbits to tell after he sees the doctor, but it usually takes a couple days for me to get it all out of him.  I am not sure why, but perhaps it's because Sam has to wrap his mind around it all first and then filter it before he tells me.  Who knows...all I know is that it drives me crazy because I want to know now!  I always get a little anxious before each appointment because we do not know what the doctor is going to say.  On the other hand, he has already told us there is really nothing more that can be done at this point unless a clinical trial becomes available.  So Sam just continues taking the Tarceva in hopes that it is doing something.  Even if it is not, I think it is another of those mind over matter situations.

We are headed to Homer for the weekend as I have Monday off in honor of Seward's Day.  One of our favorite places to visit.  Last weekend was the first fishing derby of the season.  We were hoping it was this weekend because we are ready to fish.  Last year we had way too much fun and plan on having even more this year.  I can't wait!

Now I am getting all excited and won't be able to go to sleep thinking about fishing.  How crazy is that?

If only it would warm up a bit.

Ciao!

Being thrown into the fire and getting the thing turned around in a hurry made it more difficult. Things have been done the hard way. I think you learn better when things are done the hard way. John Elway

What a wild and crazy week for my Broncos!  Peyton. Tebow.  Peyton. Tebow. Forget them, I am still mad that Jake Plummer got cut, but I love my Broncos no matter what.  Why in the world the Broncos even drafted Tebow is simply beyond me.  The only reason I can think of is that they truly believe another team would offer to trade up for him before the draft even ended.  It did not happen.  So then they were shocked when they actually had to put him in the lineup and even more shocked when the Broncos won games with him at quarterback.  Notice I did not give Tebow credit for those team wins.  As to Peyton, let's just hope he passes his physical.  If he does, we are good to go, if he doesn't, he should have retired this last year and gone out on top like Elway did. Hopefully this is not another hard lesson to learn.  Give Brady Quinn a chance.  Then again, look how well Kubiak did for himself as backup for Elway.  I have seriously digressed from the purpose of this blog, haven't I?  Moving on...


Sam's blood tests came back with great results.  His hemoglobin is at 14.3, highest the nurse has seen in a long time apparently.  He was really concerned that they were not going to be good and that he would not be able to get his Xgeva injection today.  The injection went well, needless to say.


Instead of going to the shelter, he decided to go downtown and vote early.  We have municipal elections on April 4 and early voting started this past Monday. He completed his civil duty and went in search of somewhere to get new glasses.  Not finding any place which met his criteria (good cheap and fast) he came home, took a nap and had dinner ready for me when I got home.  How great is that?!

Hiking in Seward a few weeks ago.

Oh yeah, he did deal with some more medical bills today.  Work he had done in August and we are just now getting billed for. Drives me nuts.  It is exhausting and extremely frustrating tracking things, making sure things are billed correctly, and then figuring out how we are going to pay the bills. In Anchorage it seems there is one major medical billing company because we deal with them on at least 5 different doctors/clinics/hospitals.  One day I was told that I must contact them before anyone else when Sam passes away.  Now how stupid do they think I am?  I almost started laughing because they will be the last place contacted and since Sam will have no estate for them to continue billing... C'est la vie!  Ok, I guess that was a little bit bitter.


Sam is feeling better today and we both think he has been dehydrated the past few days which added to his issues.  He drank a lot of 7up last night which seemed to really help (mind over matter?) and he definitely had more energy today.  His glands are still swollen, though.  That does concern me as I noted yesterday.  It has been about a year since they last removed cancerous lymph nodes which had moved and grown so much they were bothering him, so it just might be that is what we are facing again.  Then again, it could just be seasonal allergies and he has to suffer along just like the rest of us.

I am really rambling today.


As for me, I won a contest at work today (I never win anything!) and received a signed jersey from the Alaska Aces hockey team.  It is awesome.


Ciao!

"I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. And because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.” – Helen Keller

Today was supposed to be a fairly routine day for Sam - blood tests prior to the Xgeva injection tomorrow, support group, and then maybe even oncology rehab.  Needless to say...it didn't go that way.  He arrived at Providence to get the blood tests and discovered that the prescription for the tests were expired.  Of course, I did not see his text telling me all this and asking for the truck because I am thoroughly enjoying my lunch out with a girlfriend and we've got tons of catching up to do.  Checking my phone is the last thing on my mind. Luckily, he has learned patience, plus the support group was getting started, so he had something to do until I could get there to give him the truck.  He could have taken the bus but in order to get to his doctor's office and back to Providence, the bus truly was not an option.  That all would not have been so bad if we were not still trying to get all the insurance straightened out since he had gone on my insurance at the beginning of the year and also FINALLY signed up with the VA. My company is self-insured so that requires additional pre-authorizations which he has not had to obtain before. Luckily the doctor's office was aware of it due to my lengthy phone calls with the office a month or so ago, trying to get it all straightened out.  After he did all that running around and got the blood tests completed, he then had to get the truck back to me for my very important appointment at 5:00.  He was pretty darn tired, to say the least; however, he was still in a good mood by the time I got home.  How great is that!  Today was a good example of how he spent his days when he was first diagnosed with lung cancer.  We are both very grateful this doesn't happen very often anymore.  Sam wouldn't be able to do it on a continuing basis and I don't have time for it.  We'd be in a jam!

For those of you thinking, "I thought he wasn't supposed to be driving anymore," he is now ok to drive very short distances since he is no longer in chemo or radiation.  Even being able to drive the short distances has given him back a sense of independence and has made a tremendous impact on his spirits.

Chopping wood at Nancy Lake Public Use Cabin #2

Sam has been feeling kind of cruddy the past few days and this morning he did tell me he thinks his glands are swollen because his neck is sore.  When he tells me things like this, I try not to react too much because that drives him crazy.  So, instead, I worry silently, wondering if once again, it is the lymph nodes which are causing the pain, or if it is just a cold or sinus infection he is trying to fend off.  No matter what it is, his body's immune system is definitely not what it used to be which means I need to pay close attention to what it is he is telling me and how he is telling me.  Luckily, he also has an appointment with Dr. Rabinowitz on Friday.

Those Korean shows have finally gotten to Sam.  HA.  He just told me that he probably won't be watching them again for awhile because the series he has been watching became "just too intense."  Wonder what he will find to watch on Netflix now...

It was a beautiful spring day in Anchorage, bright blue skies, warm and the snow is rapidly (relatively speaking) melting.  All day I was wondering...is this it?  Or, is there another big one coming?  I want us to break the record, yet at the same time, I want the snow to be gone gone gone!  Plus, the snow is so very dirty during breakup.  Speaking of breakup, I need to remind Sam to buy our Nenana Ice Classic tickets. Gambling is not allowed in Alaska, so we make do with contests like betting when the tripod is going to break through the ice at Nenana.  It is pretty darn exciting!  http://www.nenanaakiceclassic.com/  Check it out.

Tomorrow is a new day and, I am sure, full of new opportunities.  Sam has his Xgeva injection in the morning, then will probably go to the shelter.  As for me, a couple meetings in the morning and then volunteering with other CIRI employees at the Elders Food Bank in the afternoon.

Ciao!

The future is literally in our hands to mold as we like. But we cannot wait until tomorrow. Tomorrow is now. Eleanor Roosevelt

Did I tell you what Sam spent the day doing yesterday?  I had to ask him if he was angry with me about something and he seemed surprised I asked that. He sat in his recliner all day with his headphones on and his iPad propped up watching movies.  Not just any movies, but movies from South Korea, Japan, and I don't know where all, and they required subtitles.  He was transfixed.  On the other hand, it also seemed to wear Rocky and him out so they needed an extra long nap in the afternoon.

Today flew by for me.  Told Sam 'see ya later' about 8:30am and it was non-stop until about 20 minutes ago...just before 8pm!  Did I accomplish anything?  Absolutely. What was it?  That I was able to get away from the cancer ride. I am able to do that each and every day I go to work, or book club, or the gym, or whatever and wherever.  Most of the time I am not even aware that I am pushing "reality" into the background and focusing on other things which require my immediate attention.  But then, there are moments throughout the day when it hits me full force, and interestingly enough, it's usually not something major which creates the reminder, it's something very minute - like standing in the cereal aisle at Fred Meyer looking at Cheerios. Yes, that was me, the sobbing hysterical woman for a few seconds.  No, it didn't happen this trip, but it has happened before.  The thing is, Sam never gets a reprieve.  He lives with it each and every minute of each and every day.  Even those times when we are snowshoeing or hiking or just walking along Chester Creek, he is constantly aware of his situation.  I just can't imagine.

Sam spent a couple hours at the animal shelter today.  He always comes back in good humor.  When I've been with him around animals, they all just gravitate to him.  Last summer we visited the Reindeer Farm in Palmer where there is a bison named Dolly.  The staff warned everyone to stay away from her because her horns alone could hurt someone.  Well, Sam stepped up to the fence, and Dolly stepped up to the other side of the fence, and she fell in love with him.  It was hilarious!  Sam scratched her back and she just rubbed up against the fence loving every minute of it.  The staff was amazed.  I wasn't, although I did get a good laugh out of this huge bison named Dolly trying to get as close as possible to my husband.  Luckily the fence was there otherwise who knows what would have happened!  Anyway, my point is, I think it is as therapeutic for Sam as it is for the animals who all seem to understand that Sam is sick and needs extra love and attention from them. It is truly a wonderful thing to watch.

Tomorrow Sam has blood tests in preparation for the Xgeva infusion which is for the bone metastases. The actual infusion is set for Wednesday.  At about the 10 day mark, Sam sometimes starts to have side effects, chills, fever, chills, fever, which last anywhere from 24-48 hours.  Each time I hope and pray it doesn't happen, but it's always a guessing game.  Another of those, "we just take it when it comes because there's just not much else we can do about it" scenarios.

Today is also the last day of winter.  Thank goodness!  However, Anchorage still needs another 3.2 inches of snow to break the record.  I hope we get it because I do not want to go through another snowy winter like this for a very long time to come. Sam and I both love the snow, yet...this year, we've both had enough of it already!  Here's to a wonderful spring!

Just an FYI, several people have asked if they can send me checks for the 2012 Alaska Clean Air Bike Challenge.  Absolutely.  The check needs to be made out to American Lung Association and can be given to me.  If you need our mailing address, send me a quick email and I will send it to you.  Thank you to all of you who have already donated.  Each day I am getting more and more excited about it!

Ciao!

Failures are made only by those who fail to dare, not by those who dare to fail. Lester B. Pearson

As most of you are aware, Sam has taken some time off from his blogging.  He claims to have gotten bored with it, which, after almost 3 years, does seem rather likely.  Perhaps my blogging will motivate him to start again!

The past 3 months have been almost a blur.  Sam's doing quite well for someone with stage IV lung cancer.  He is not as active as he was, and I don't know if that is a result of the insane amount of snow and cold we've had this winter or because his body is just slowing down.  His positive spirit does remain and for that, I am quite grateful.  My most challenging moments are when he is angry and I need to quickly determine if it's actually me he is angry with or the situation at hand. Or both for that matter.  I am often unsuccessful at figuring it out, just so you know.

Right now, to keep his mind busy, he is studying Japanese.  Yes, you read that right.  Japanese.  He sounds great when I hear him practicing, but then...I know nothing about Japanese, he could just be speaking gobbledygook for all I know.  I admire him for attempting it because I can't say I would do the same.

The animal shelter enjoys his presence a couple times a week.  He's even learned how to groom the dogs, handling the dogs under 40 pounds.  The cancer in his lower back and pelvic area do not allow him to work with the larger dogs anymore.

As for me, life is good.  Just wish the snow would go away.  I am training for the 2012 Alaska Clean Air Bike Challenge, an annual fundraiser for the American Lung Association.  It's a 60 mile bike ride from Houston to Talkeetna on May 12-13.  120 miles round trip.  Here's my webpage for it if you'd like to donate, or perhaps join the team?  http://action.lung.org/goto/daraglass  I'm at about 70% of my fundraising goal, which I am absolutely amazed about!

Chat at ya later!