“Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.” ― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

Patience.  UGH.  Sam's MRI of his brain took place late this afternoon at the hospital on Joint Base-Elmendorf-Richardson.  Now the waiting begins and since this is a holiday week, we can only hope to be lucky enough to hear the results by Monday.  This part of the process I can definitely do without, especially since I am not known for my patience, although I will admit I go back and forth between wanting to know and not wanting to know if the cancer has metastasized to the brain.  Neither of us truly believe it has, but we have been caught by surprise before.

This evening at dinner Sam mentioned there was something he wanted to talk with me about.  Whenever he does that, my stomach moves to my throat and my heart starts pounding because you just never know what it is he wants to discuss.  Apparently he dreams at night about waking up and not being able to move any of his limbs.  He asked me to not panic if that ever does happen and to give him time to fully wake up and start moving.  It took a bit more discussion before I realized he does not mean just a few minutes, he means a few hours, possibly more, before I call 911.  In fact, he would prefer I not call 911 at all and just allow his body to do its thing, meaning he may or may not wake up.  If that happens, I am to call hospice and then wait patiently for whatever process his body is going through to end.  The conversation caught me by surprise and I found it quite difficult to look him in the eye for a few minutes as my eyes were unable to control their tears. Although these are challenging conversations for us to have, I recognize how important it is to him for me to understand what it is he wants when he is not able to convey those desires to me or anyone else.

Don't I look professional?

Last week I flew to the Johnson River area which is on the other side of the Cook Inlet to look at property my company owns. During the day, Sam realized that the possibility of me not returning was real as flying into the mountains anytime during the year is quite challenging.  When I arrived home, he was waiting with all kinds of questions as to where important documents were, who he would need to contact in case of emergency and probably another 20 questions.  I realized that although I have many things written down already, I do not have a list of people for him to contact if he does find himself in that position. If nothing else, for his peace of mind I should prepare a list for him sooner rather than later.

The flight to the Johnson River was stunning.  Our land is within the boundaries of the Lake Clark National Park (connected to one of those crazy ANCSA deals in the early 80s) and it is absolutely beautiful. Interesting thing, though, is that we saw very little wildlife and the area (at least, so we have heard) is well known for its bear activity and we saw none.  We did see the backs of a couple Beluga whales in the Beluga River (imagine that!) as well as eagles and a variety of other birds.  The scenery is breathtaking.

More importantly is that my Denver Broncos report for practice in 4 weeks and 2 days (but who is counting?)  Yes, it will mean summer is about over, but it also means football!  Just wanted to make sure y'all mark your calendars appropriately.

Ciao!