Yesterday is but a dream and tomorrow is only a vision But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a new vision of hope. - Kalidasa -

View today from our 3rd story condo.

As some of you know, Anchorage broke its all time record for snowfall today - as of 7:40pm, we are at the 134.5 inch mark.  Nothing compared to Cordova, Valdez and other Prince William Sound communities, but a heck of a lot of snow to us Alaskan urbanites.  The total will go much higher because April is supposed to be a fairly cold and wet month.  Oh boy!  Sam and I had ourselves a little celebration party, he watched another Japanese movie and I watched NCIS followed by one of my all time favorites, Tombstone.

The snow made us both a little lazy today but we did manage to make our monthly Costco run.  Plus, I convinced Sam to go to the gym with me which was very good for both of us.  The snow also threw a kink into my workout plans because tomorrow I was planning my first ride.  ARGH.  Still might do it, though.  I am back on my fundraiser kick, too, so I apologize in advance if I drive you crazy with it.  That being said, in case you are interested - here's the link:  http://action.lung.org/goto/daraglass.

My thoughts this morning started out in a place which I knew if I focused on for too long, I would drive myself and Sam crazy all day.  From what I have learned, anyone who is in my position experiences these thoughts from time to time - wondering what life would be like if Sam was healthy.  I allow myself a few minutes of these thoughts because if all I do is suppress them, my grief after Sam is gone will be much greater than if I give myself an opportunity to experience the anticipatory grief and work through it now.  Giving myself permission to do that took about 4 months of intensive therapy when Sam was diagnosed with the lung cancer. The only private place I truly have in the condo is my bathroom (and even that is questionable sometimes between Sam and Sweet Pea!) and that is where I go when I need to spend a few minutes crying.  Usually I only need a few minutes and then I am good to go again, and that is exactly what happened this morning.  Thankfully, Sam was oblivious to it all.

On the drive to Costco, Sam said he needed to tell me some, as he put it, not very good news.  I never know what to expect when he says that so I prepared myself for anything.  One of the possible symptoms of bone metastases is nausea.  Apparently while I fixed my turkey bacon this morning, Sam became nauseous from the smell.  He told me this is not the first time he has had this experience and there is no specific food or activity which triggers it.  So it is quite possible he is dealing with hypercalcemia, high levels of calcium in the blood.  Tomorrow one of my goals is to convince him to call the oncologist on Monday because if he does not call the doctor right away when something new occurs or something changes, he forgets to tell the doctor.  He is one of those people that when the doctor asks about things, unless it is happening right then and there, Sam does not think to tell the doctor about it.  Hopefully this turns out to be nothing, but just in case, it is much better to safe than sorry.

I wish you all a wonderful Passover and Easter.

Ciao!