Today the doctor decided Sam is to start practicing with the wheelchair to see where his oxygen levels are at and to see if he is ready to go home. I think he needs the oxygen, Sam thinks he needs the oxygen, the doctor thinks he needs the oxygen, but as we all know, what we think and what the insurance thinks are generally two different things.
I asked the doctor point blank (out in the hall away from Sam!) if this is a hospice point and his response was "not for the blood clots but you should talk to the oncologist about the lung cancer" since that is what is really affecting his breathing. The doctor believes the clot in Sam's lung is slowly dissipating and how he is able to tell that is beyond me. He quickly qualified all this, though, by reminding me things can change on a dime (no duh) and we will just have to wait until tomorrow to see how things go. The doctor also said that what they are doing at the hospital is no different than what would be happening at home...well...I beg to differ because right now there is no oxygen at home, no nurses to stay with him while I run into the office, etc., etc., etc. I spent some time making calls to the social services department at the hospital as well as the VA so we could get things up and running. Personally, I want things in place before Sam gets home because once he is home, there will not be time to do all these things....like rearrange things to make it easier for him to get around in a wheelchair in our tiny little condo. Does anyone want a perfectly good queen-size sofa sleeper which has been tenderly loved by the cats on the sides?
Just to give you an idea as to his oxygen level and his shortness of breath - when he sits up on the side of the bed, he needs to rest about 10 minutes catching his breath before he moves to the next position, regardless of whether it is standing up or moving into the recliner which is right next to his hospital bed. And people wonder why I am concerned.
It is exciting the doctor is thinking about sending him home, but I do not want him here until the time is right. I have said my peace at the hospital and I am not too sure anyone listened. That will be determined tomorrow. One thing is quite clear, I cannot discuss this in front of Sam. He will make his symptoms disappear if he has any inkling I am concerned about him coming home. It is odd, though, that I am at peace with the lung cancer issue, but not with the blood clots. I have thought this through, but I am not ready to discuss it here yet. Way too emotional.
Anyway, it is now 10:11pm and I need to go fold laundry and get other things done to prepare for him possibly coming home in the next couple days. And all I really want to do is go to sleep. Which I might do anyway and just ignore the laundry for now.
Happy Birthday to my mom and to our son, Alex, both of whom turned 21 today. :)
q'ua
