For Sam, passing from one room to another means he is no longer in pain and suffering. For several days prior to his peaceful passing, he struggled mightily against the pain he experienced. I cannot tell you what it did to my heart and soul to watch and to listen to his battle. At times I could not bear it, nor could anyone else around, Brian, our pastor Ron, and others. Many many thanks to our friend, Dr. Mike Kirkham, who provided me the guidance necessary to work with hospice and request the things Sam needed.
Personally, I am doing pretty good. As I have mentioned to many people, Sam and I have had four years to grieve and prepare for this. No, it does not make it any easier, but the grieving is not as intense. Yesterday I had several "moments" as my mother refers to them, but to me, that is to be expected. I allow the moment to happen, experience it, and move on. More than likely these will continue to happen to one extreme or another for the rest of my life.
I miss Sam more than I can put into words. My life consisted of Sam, the cats, work, and a little bit of me for the past four years, and actually, our entire marriage, long before we knew Sam was sick. Half of me is now gone so I have this huge void. Last night I wandered aimlessly around the condo before finally forcing myself to go to bed. Sweet Pea followed me in my wanderings as she is even more confused than I am.
A Celebration of Life is scheduled for this Saturday, August 31, at the First United Methodist Church in downtown Anchorage at 10:00am. A second one is scheduled for 1:00pm, Saturday, September 14, at the United Methodist Church in John Day, Oregon. His ashes will be interred at the Fort Richardson National Cemetery here in Anchorage at a later date, yet to be determined. There will be an obituary in both the Anchorage Daily News and the Blue Mountain Eagle.
Sam spent many hours volunteering at the Anchorage Animal Shelter and he asked that donations be made to it or the American Lung Association - Alaska.
q'ua
