 |
| Halfway point - 50 miles - South Denali Viewpoint Myself and some other members of the Glass Half Full team |
This last Saturday I rode in my first century ride (100 miles) on a bicycle in the Alaska Clean Air Challenge, a fundraiser for the American Lung Association. The emotions sweeping through me during the ride amazed me, startled me, saddened me, and sometimes just completely caught me by surprise. The sense of accomplishment overwhelmed me when I found myself wanting to find Sam and celebrate with him. When I realized I could not do that, I felt a sense of extreme sadness just sweep right over me. Luckily the exhaustion also kicked in and I only had enough energy to eat, sit through the award's presentations and head to bed. Sunday morning I saw a good friend of ours who lives in Talkeetna who, along with his wife, was one of the last people to see Sam outside of our home. And what did I do? I promptly burst into tears. Fortunately, he understood and got me through my moment of intense grief.
 |
| We did it! The members of the Glass Half Full team who completed the century ride. What a great day! |
Previously I spoke of summer coming on. I find myself not really dreading it, but not being all that excited about it, either. Alaskans turn into crazy 24/7ers when summer arrives. Sam and I hit the ground running and never stopped when we arrived 6 years ago this month and became instant Alaskans. My playmate is gone. Yes, there are many friends I can do things with and while I appreciate them greatly, it is not the same no matter how hard they try. Sam was my playmate for 10 awesome summers and no matter what, it is never going to be the same.
Grief is such a strange emotion to experience and it is definitely not enjoyable. I wish it would end but it never will until I see him again. Yet, I continue to live each day to the best of my ability. I laugh, cry, ride my bike, hang out with friends, take care of Sweet Pea, stare at the magnificent Chugach, work, campaign for equal rights, cheer on my teams, make plans with my family and friends, and lots of other things just to keep moving forward. Often all I want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep the time away. Every once-in-awhile I do, but that is exhausting as well and definitely not very productive or fun. I wonder, too, if grief is ever going to leave me alone. Just this week, a dear friend of mine lost her husband after a long battle with cancer, and a relative is in the process of watching the love of his life slowly slip away, also from cancer. Knowing what they are facing brings it all back to me. The hardest part is that I know there is absolutely nothing I can do to ease their pain or take their pain away. They just have to go through it like I did and am. I will say it again...it really sucks.
 |
| Glass Half Full Team Car |
The Glass Half Full team member who designed our team t-shirt decorated her car as well in an awesome show of team spirit! I am very grateful for my friends who rode with me and for all of you who supported us. Although we came nowhere near the top fundraising team, we are currently in fourth place (past two years we were first!) and are continuing to take donations through June 2. Here's the link: http://action.lung.org/goto/djglass.
Thank you, again, everyone for everything.
q'ua
