“Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be.” Grandma Moses

Tomorrow marks two weeks since Sam's chemo treatment of Alimta and carboplatin.  He is actually doing quite well, although this morning he did tell me his hands and feet are tingling which means the neuropathy is probably beginning.  Neuropathy, as most of you are probably aware, is a side effect of this type of chemo treatment as well as a side effect of lung cancer. In addition, he seems to constantly be cold which really is not surprising, either, since the tumors in his lungs are affecting his circulation. His attitude, though, is still phenomenal and for that I am so grateful.  The personality changes are what concern me most about the chemo treatment and so far, so good.  Yeah for the little things!

He finally heard from the VA doctor yet who provided him a phone number to call to schedule the MRI which he plans on doing tomorrow.  Between my job and our weekend getaways, scheduling the medical things are a challenge which is okay with both of us at this point.

Fox Creek overflowing its banks and onto the empty parking area. 

Last weekend we ventured to Chitina to dipnet in the Copper. Sam refused to listen to everyone saying the river is running high, is very muddy, and no one is catching any fish.  We also went hoping to see Sam McAllister, one of the river guides who is from Prairie City, 13 or so miles from John Day where we call home in eastern Oregon.  Lo and behold, the river guides had closed up the day before!  We hiked in 2.7 miles on the Copper Highway to O'Brien Creek, sat on the sandbar for 30 or so minutes with our nets in the very muddy water, caught nothing, and decided to heck with this, let's go back.  Luckily, the day was gorgeous so the hike was awesome, although we were both very sore on Sunday and Monday.

Loading up the wagon which hauled our gear
along the Copper River Highway.

Thursday morning I have a meeting in Kenai, so we are headed down to the Russian River area for a few days, another river which is running high and fishing is not all that good.  Plus...there are bear issues, lots and lots of bear issues.  That should be fun and exciting!  Hopefully, though, Sam will catch at least one fish and be happy, especially since dipnetting on the Copper was not successful.

On the other hand, he seems to be really enjoying his summer so far and I could not ask for anything more.  We have plans to head towards Denali after the 4th, then back down to the Kenai Peninsula after that as my work will be taking me back there for a few days later in July. If I have not said told you recently, I really do love my job and so does Sam!

The snarky side of me came out the past few days, and for any of you who I took it out on, I apologize.  One of the things which drives Sam and I both crazy are the various comments which are made by very caring people who do not by any means intend to be rude or otherwise, they just do not know what to say.  At this point in the journey, it is almost like we are living with a chronic disease, yet we know that because the cancer is literally throughout Sam's body, there is no treatment yet available which will cure him.  A miracle is the only way, and yes, a miracle is entirely possible but only on God's terms, not ours.  Anyway, I digress (imagine that!)  We both recognize no one prepares anyone for times like these and therefore, no one learns the best things to say and/or do.  Sam and I discuss this all the time mostly because sometimes we are just amazed at people and other times, we are saddened.  More than anything, the best thing to do (in our minds, anyway) is to communicate and do not be afraid to ask questions.  If we do not feel like talking about our situation, we will tell you and ask to change the subject.  More often than not, though, we are happy to share as it is therapeutic for us and educational for you plus it tells us you truly do care.  However, do not start in with the "you're going to be just fine" line because that is a complete lie and makes the hair on the back of both our necks stand up because it means you have absolutely no idea of the situation we are in, nor do you really care.

Dipnetting on the very muddy and
extremely high Copper River.

Ok, I could go on and on about this but I will stop now.  Enough of my ranting.

In case anyone is wondering, we are still tent camping.  The other day Sam told me when he goes camping, he wants to sleep outside, not inside of a house he brings along with him.  In the very next breath he told me if I really wanted a trailer/camper/motorhome to just go get one.  HA.  Yeah, I know how that works.  On the other hand, he said it...and I know the minute it starts raining and we are in the trailer, he will be extremely grateful. So, I am going shopping!

Ciao!

Come gather 'round people wherever you roam, and admit that the waters around you have grown. And accept it that soon you'll be drenched to the bone. If your time to you is worth savin', then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone. For the times they are a-changin'. Bob Dylan

The times are definitely changing for us. Each day I as I look at Sam I see slight changes in his face, his body, his thought process, his fatigue, yet there is one thing which is constant, and that is his intense desire to not let the cancer rule his life.  What a challenge that is and he manages to meet it head on each and every day.  He is truly an amazing man.

Mt. Iliamna

We did get some fishing in over the weekend and managed to come home with some fish! Yeah for us!  Geez.  One more weekend of no fish and I would have become a complete madwoman. (No comments necessary, Roy Goldman!)  Anyway, the weather and scenery were absolutely beautiful and we could not have asked for a better time. Thank you to the friends who made it possible for us.  And before any of you ask, no, we have not yet transitioned to a trailer/camper/motorhome but we are definitely discussing it.  In fact, when I came home tonight and said there was something I needed to tell him, that is what he thought I was going to say, that I had gone out and bought something. HA. Maybe I will.

Sam met with his doctor from the VA on Monday.  She is concerned about the swollen glands behind his ear and the pain he has intermittently been experiencing elsewhere in his head and neck area.  She ordered an MRI but we are waiting on the results of his blood tests first to see if his kidneys have recovered enough from the last CT scans and chemo treatment to endure the MRI.  The past couple months Sam has voiced concern about pains in his head but I think we both have been fearful to push it. Therefore, it truly was no surprise to us when she said she ordered the test. Hopefully, we will hear in the next few days when that will be.

The 48 hour mark last Friday after his chemo treatment went quite smoothly for me, if you know what I mean.  He did experience side effects, though, and still is - nausea mostly.  Not too bad, but enough for him to continue taking the anti-nausea medication provided him by the doctor's office. He also is sleeping more than before (I did not think that was possible!) and is slowly losing weight. We are working hard to keep calories in him and maintain his weight. If he loses too much, the chemo will stop. There are some other side effects we have to watch for, specifically at the 21-28 day mark from the carboplatin part of the chemo which relates to blood cell and platelet counts and is referred to as "myelosuppression."  There are drugs to combat this but hopefully, Sam will not have to worry about it and can focus on his next treatment which is scheduled for July 13.

As for me, work is really busy. Summer brings on additional responsibilities including fire management. So far, two fires, both human caused. Luckily, they were both caught early and extinguished quickly since they were near urban areas. What I had to tell Sam tonight is about a day trip I am making next week to the other side of the Cook Inlet...and that he cannot go with me.  Yes, it is work-related, but I still feel very guilty because I know he would truly love to go.

Ciao!

"You hold the key in the palm of your hand, use it! Don't blame your life on the master plan, change it!" Lyrics to "Life is a Song Worth Singing" Written by Thom Bell and Linda Creed, sung by various artists including Teddy Pendergrass and Johnny Mathis

Our Alaska geography & history professor

Fish On! was not shouted with glee this past weekend, darn it all.  In fact, I do not think we saw more than 2 fish being caught at the Homer Lagoon the entire 3 days we were there.   Sam and I both wanted to head to the Copper River this week for dipnetting but between my work, his chemo, and the weather, it just is not working out. So instead, we are headed to Ninilchik to fish with our newly adopted family (they do not know this yet, but I think they are getting the idea...) and I am fairly sure we will be jumping up and down hootin' and hollerin' this time around.  

Fishing at the Homer Lagoon

Camping on the Homer Spit in a tent is quite the experience, especially if you are camping next to Sam and Dara.  We are tent campers as most of you know, and although I am slowly trying to talk Sam into a trailer/camper/motorhome, he is not yet completely sold on the idea. So, off we went to Homer with (luckily!) 2 tents, one large and one small, just in case.  The wind is blowing like crazy when we arrive, but that does not deter us from attempting to put up the larger tent at first.  We spend about 30 minutes fighting the wind.  Pieces of firewood are on each corner holding the tent down as we gallantly attempt to put the poles in place all the while fighting the wind which is blowing the tent over flat to the ground.  There is even a point when Sam insists I go inside the tent and try to hold it up from there while he does whatever it is he thinks is needed to hold the tent up from the outside.  Oh boy.  Needless to say, that does not work either.   The people we are camped next to (of course in an RV) come over at that point and, grinning widely, ask if we could use an extra hand or two, actually 3 sets in this case - husband, wife and adult son - all whom kindly attempt to assist.  I take the opportunity to whisper to the wife, "This is actually all working out perfectly for me!"  She laughs and says, "Been there, done that!"  Bless her heart, she immediately starts making comments such as "Perhaps a metal floor might be better" and "Firm walls are sometimes a good thing."  Oh yes, she is a woman after my own heart.  Sam finally relents and agrees that perhaps a trailer would be better at this point.  NO KIDDING!  Too bad we do not have one to jump into; however, we do have the smaller dome tent which we promptly pull out, put up and spend the weekend in all comfy and cozy.  Luckily, we had to use the dome tent because if we would have managed to set up the larger tent we would have been terribly disappointed.  Until we unroll the backpacking mattresses we do not remember that we had thrown out our larger air mattress last summer due to excessive wear and tear!  Another blessing in disguise.  The best part is, I am one step closer to my goal of no more tent camping if I can help it.  What more can a girl ask for?

Campground Guard Eagle

Tonight Sam is recovering from his first chemo treatment (Alimta and carboplatin) this round.  As I am writing, I can hear him struggling with his breathing and I do not think he recognizes that he is.  It is difficult to listen to without saying anything. If I do say something, he will accuse me of panicking and I am far from that at this point.  One of the many lessons I have learned over the past 2-3 years, believe me.  So far his side effects are limited, only sweats and a bit of nausea when he got home this afternoon.  I dropped him off about 9 at the doctor's office where they did the labs, he met with the P.A. and then did the chemo.  Friday will be the telltale 48 hour mark and thankfully I will be at work.  Sam is really good about texting or calling me throughout the day to keep me informed of what is happening, so I trust he will let me know if anything extraordinary is happening at that point.  The 48 hour mark is the moment I dread the most because he is not at all pleasant to be around, so it is definitely another blessing in disguise that I have to be at work.  The addition of the carboplatin makes this round of chemo different from the one last fall, so this is an entirely new situation for us and one which requires us to pay close attention to everything.  The serious side effects for carboplatin include things such as itchy hands.  Sam told the nurse today it is not unusual for him to experience itchy hands normally and she accused him of being a troublemaker.  If she only knew...

One of the best things about Sam being on disability is that I do not have to cook when I get home.  Now, if only I could get the cats to clean house, life would truly be perfect.

Ciao!

"Fish on!" What I hope to be shouting several times over the next 3 days.

Summer is in high gear in Alaska.  Earlier today I told a friend that it is almost stressful all the activities we, as Alaskans, try to cram in in just a few months time.  As for us, we just returned from Kodiak on Sunday, and now we are off to Homer for 3 days in the morning.  Sam wants to camp on the Spit and since I have a 3 day weekend, it is the perfect time.  Hopefully the weather cooperates and the fish are in.  So far fishing on the Kenai Peninsula is not all that good, and since we have had rain the past few days, maybe the darn fish will finally start coming in. For Sam's sake, I hope the fish are in and are biting!  We get a little competitive when it comes to fishing (if you can believe it!), so of course, I plan on pulling in the first and the biggest.

Lights of Homer Spit from the ferry at 1:00 in the morning.

As this is the week before Sam's chemo is to begin, he spent the week getting his meds in order and confirming insurance information.  Tonight he gave me a rundown on how the doctor and he decided to increase one of his painkillers (the long-acting) while decreasing another (the "break-through.")  I admit, my knowledge of painkillers increased tenfold over the past 3 years.  As he talked, the lightbulb went on and I realized why his mood had been so nasty the past few days. It would almost be funny if it weren't so sad. I admit I did not handle the mood swing very well at all which did not help the situation.  Luckily, as of last night, he is back on an even keel.  He is not in the least bit aware of what any change in meds does to his mood.

Wednesday, June 13, Sam begins his chemo treatment.  Although he does not seem to think his reaction will be any different than it was in the fall, I am fully prepared for it to be since other things are scheduled to be included this go round.  The 48 hour mark occurs while I am at work Friday morning and that is usually the worst time, when the chemo hits the cancer cells and the body is basically at war with itself.  The joys of the roller coaster of cancer!

Tomorrow, Friday, June 8, is Cook Inlet Region's (CIRI) 40th birthday, which is why it is a 3 day weekend for me.  Nothing like an unexpected holiday! Work is very busy and during the summer, work increases dramatically.  Tuesday and Wednesday I spent up in the Matsu dealing with trespass issues and checking out some of our lands which I had not visited previously.  Tuesday proved to be an absolutely beautiful day, and Wednesday, just the opposite.  It felt good to be able to work outside for a couple days, made the work week go by much faster and the surprise holiday makes it even better.  I love my job.

Ciao!

"Woke up, it was a Chelsea morning and the first thing that I heard - Was a song outside my window, and the traffic wrote the words..." Lyrics to Chelsea Morning, Joni Mitchell

Another quick note as I am off to work for a couple hours and then headed back to Kodiak to bring Sam and the cats home tomorrow on the ferry.  If you have never been to Kodiak Island, you need to go.  More on that later.

Sam chowing down at the Kodiak Crabfest.

Sam is doing ok this week, although he did tell me yesterday his lower back is really bothering him.  The lower back is often a point of pain for many lung cancer patients as oftentimes what they are actually feeling is pain from tumors in their lungs.  In Sam's case, he is challenged by tumors in his lungs and in his back - a double whammy.  It sure does not seem to stop him, though, as he was out fishing yesterday (with no luck!) on the Olds River on Kodiak Island.

We have yet to see bears...I will be bummed if we leave the Island without seeing any!

Ciao!