“Never allow a person to tell you 'no' who doesn't have the power to say 'yes.'” Eleanor Roosevelt

Sam visited with his oncologist today who confirmed what we thought regarding the conclusions from the CT scans.  The Tarceva is no longer effective and on June 13 Sam begins a chemo regimen much like the one he was on last fall, Alimta every 3 weeks.  The only difference is that the Alimta will be mixed with Carboplatin this time.  The goal is to control the growth and metastases of the pulmonary tumors.

The nurse told Sam his heartbeat is high but that is almost expected at this point.  As he talked on the phone with me I could really hear the shortness of breath he is starting to experience as well.  Yes, I admit, it made me really sad.  His attitude, as I have stated before, is phenomenal so I chose not to point out the breathing to him; otherwise, I would have ruined his day and mine.  He did tell me that getting started this morning took him longer than ever before.  We will adjust our schedule accordingly so that I do not leave before he is up and moving around.  Getting up early on Saturday to go fishing might prove to be a challenge!

Be sure to thank a Veteran this weekend.  

Ciao!

It's my life And it's now or never 'Cause I ain't gonna live forever I just want to live while I'm alive (It's my life)...Jon Bon Jovi, Lyrics from "It's My Life"

Today Sam and I officially celebrate our 4th year of living in Alaska!  Wow.  So much has happened and we have so much still to do.  Tomorrow night we head out for Kodiak, catching the ferry in Homer early Friday morning.  Both of us are really looking forward to it.

Knik Glacier from our secret overlook.

Our weekend at Knik River Lodge was fabulous.  No rain, no wind, some clouds, we could not have asked for more.  We hiked to a spot overlooking the Knik Glacier and the trail is quite primitive!  A little over 5 miles roundtrip and some spots required hand over hand climbing.  Our knees hurt like crazy the next day!

Although Sam's appointment with his oncologist is not until tomorrow, he picked up the results from last week's CT scans on his chest, abdomen and pelvis yesterday because we could not wait any longer.  It is not what we want to hear.  "Numerous bilateral soft tissue density pulmonary parenchymal nodules are present, increasing significantly in size and number from previous, too numerous to count bilaterally."  In other words, the tumors in his lung surrounding his heart, including the main one directly behind his heart, increased significantly in size and numbers since the prior CT scan 3 months ago.  Right now I am not going to venture a guess at what the doctor will say tomorrow.  It might very well be that he does not see this as serious as we do (there is always hope!) Or, he will confirm our thoughts.

In the past when things changed, it normally took 3-4 days for the both of us to wrap our minds around it.  This time, not so much.  We knew something changed but we did not know what.  Putting my thoughts into written words is proving to be a struggle for me.  Plus I do not want to be like the boy who cried wolf, yet I want you to fully understand the situation.

The doctors at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance told us this was a definite possibility which eventually would lead to Sam being unable to breath.  However, at this time, that is not a problem because, as Sam noted, his lung capacity is above average which is probably his saving grace right now. Otherwise, his quality of life would be suffering and we would be making other decisions.

No matter what, we are headed to Kodiak!

If time allows tomorrow, I will post a quick note as to what the doctor and Sam decide to do from here.

Ciao!

Got no checkbooks, got no banks, Still I'd like to express my thanks - I got the sun in the morning and the moon at night. ~Irving Berlin, "I Got the Sun in the Morning," 1946

Cindi, Kimi, myself &Violet just before the start.

Last weekend was the 2012 Alaska Clean Air Bike Challenge (in case you did not know) and it was simply the most amazing weekend I have experienced in a long time. John Thain, KTVA Channel 11, interviewed Sam and I to kick off the ride, then followed me with camera and microphone for a few miles along the route on Saturday morning.  The interview was aired Monday night and again on Tuesday, and just in case, here is the link:  Glass Half Full. While riding along after I returned the bike camera and mike to John, I must admit I experienced a bit of melancholy, missing Sam and worrying about him being alone for the weekend.  Right then, it hit me that the Glass Half Full team captain needed to get out of that mood immediately, which I did.  Between my teammates, the other 300 or so riders, the weather and just the fact I was actually participating in a 120 mile bike ride in some of the most beautiful country, lifted my spirits immensely. There was a bit of rain the first day during the ride, hail that evening, beautiful sunshine Sunday morning with an incredible view of Denali...and then...the last 20 miles or so, a headwind which just about sent every one of us over the edge!

The view from my room at Talkeetna Lodge.  Denali in all his glory.

There were so many inspirational stories among the riders.  One woman was diagnosed with stage IIIB lung cancer and is an 8 year survivor.  She and her husband biked together and he is now preparing for the Seattle to DC bike ride this summer. Absolutely phenomenal people!  I am already looking forward to next year.

Sam is doing ok.  Yesterday was his monthly Zometa infusion for the bone mets and today was the CT scan for his lungs/abdomen/lower back region.  Hopefully it will show what is causing the pain and other issues, if not, an MRI will be the next step.  His spirits, as always, are great which makes the entire situation so much easier to deal with. Of course, it also helps fishing season is upon us and he has other things to think about.

The first of our many weekend jaunts is tomorrow as we are off for the weekend to Knik River Lodge.  Next week on the 25th we are headed to Kodiak for 10 days.  We are both really looking forward to that even though, as I noted previously, I will be flying home to work for a few days and then flying back.  Plus, Sam informed me this evening he will be taking his "kayak" along.  Oh boy.  I will have to find the picture of him in the kayak and you can judge for yourself but let's just say...he barely sits above the water. I will just do my best to not think about it!

Ciao!

It's not having been in the dark house, but having left it that counts. President Theodore Roosevelt

One more day!  Hard to believe but it is finally here, the 2012 Alaska Clean Air Bike Challenge.  The fundraising is now a bit of a competition, too.  Yessirree...there are not many things that get me truly motivated but losing first place to a boy/man/person of the male persuasion just does not set well with me and the person in second place is exactly that.  At check-in the other day I heard he is stalking me and is out to beat me.  Well, let me tell you what...there is NO way that is going to happen.  So, in case you are still interested in supporting me - here's the link and Saturday at noon is the deadline.  Dara Glass - Clean Air Bike Challenge.  All dignity and humility has been thrown out the window at this point!

Ok, enough of that.

Just in case you are wondering, I wrecked on my bike last Saturday at the end of my training ride. In fact, and I am so embarrassed to admit this, I was in our condo building's parking garage getting ready to stop my bike and hop off, when WHAM!  Down I went.  There is now a very lovely yellowish, black, blue and purplish goose egg on the fatty part of my left arm between my elbow and wrist and it hurts to rest it on my desk and type.  It is a deep bruise because it really did not show up until Tuesday, 3 days after the fact.  I iced it thoroughly Saturday when I finally got upstairs and again on Sunday when I got home from the Bike for Women, otherwise, it would probably be about 3x the size it is now.  I finally have a battle wound and I am so very proud.

Even moose know how to Tebow which is what this guy
was doing when I saw him on my bike ride the other day.

Sam is doing ok.  Next week he is scheduled for an MRI and CT scans because of his head and his legs with the results coming the following week.  As Sam says, it is what it is because there just is not anything we can do about it anyway, just make the best of what life throws at us.  I know he is not feeling all that good, though, because he has not been doing much which is very unlike him.  And, I admit, he is much more patient than I am when it comes to waiting for the results.  I want them NOW not tomorrow or the next day but NOW.  Can you imagine?

This will be the first weekend since we moved here that we will be apart and I think we are both suffering a bit of apprehension about it, although if you asked Sam, I am sure he would deny it.  It is an odd feeling, though, knowing if anything happens to him I will not be here to help.  I am sure he will be fine, but there is still that little part of me that worries.  On the other hand, Rocky and Sweet Pea will be here to entertain, so the three of them will probably not even miss me!

Ciao!

“Courage is like a muscle strenghthened by its use.” Ruth Gordon (the late actress)

Sam is either the bravest man I know or the craziest man I know, or possibly a little of both.  Hints about various aspects of his current physical health have been dropped all week, and tonight is no different. "My left eye is kind of blurry."  Followed by, "I guess it's been that way a few days...maybe a week or so."  Hello?  Since when does "a few days" equal "a week or so?"  Either way, I did not react because that drives him nuts.  I calmly walked into my bathroom and proceeded to have a "moment" while processing what Sam had just told me.  At that point, I headed to the computer to google "blurry left eye lung cancer."  Needless to say, I should not have done that.  While I am sitting here silently freaking out, Sam is over in his chair, laughing with the cats, cheerful as can be just like life is normal, which in a way, I suppose it is.

On the other hand, now he is sitting over there telling me that perhaps the reason he is having these "head" problems is because his brain is tired from studying too much Japanese.  As a certain former half-governor often says, "You betcha!"

Rocky aka Garfield, taking his after dinner nap.
He is so black you can hardly see that
his head is  upside down.

After writing all this, I do feel better and it really is life as usual.  So many different things happen throughout the course of one's cancer journey, it is often referred to as a "roller coaster ride."  Therefore, overreacting to something is not in any one's best interest, especially Sam's or mine. Tomorrow, however, if he still is having issues, I will insist on him calling the oncology triage nurse to tell her what is going on.

Sweet Pea guarding her toys because she knows the
scary big green monster (the vacuum) is about to come
out of the closet and get her and all her toys!

As for me, one more week until the Clean Air Bike Challenge (http://action.lung.org/goto/daraglass) and yes, I am ready.   Sunday is the Bike for Women and although it is only 9 miles (compared to 120 next week) the first half is downhill which means the second half is uphill.  What are the race planners thinking? No matter what it will be fun.

Our Memorial Day plans are made, we are headed to Kodiak on the ferry. If all goes as planned, because we are not able to get a ferry back until the following weekend, I will fly home on Tuesday morning and fly back to Kodiak Friday afternoon to get Sam and our truck back on the ferry Saturday to head home.  Yes, it sounds kind of crazy, but sometimes you just do what you have got to do.  He is very excited about spending a few additional days hanging out in Kodiak (city) and I hope it all works out for him and that I do not worry too much about him.

Ciao!