I have no idea why I felt the need to put this out there, but that is what I am doing. It is so interesting that Sam has yet to read my blog, his only concern is that I am honest and not misleading about his cancer, that I am not making incorrect statements about what is going on with him. I do not believe I am, or have, but it is all in the eye of the beholder.
Terminal illness does such awful things to individuals and affects anyone and everyone around them in ways unimaginable. When I attempt to put myself in Sam's shoes, it is difficult.
More than anything, I want him to be comfortable, at peace, and enjoying a good quality of life. Right now, I am not doing a very good job of making that happen and it is because I lost my focus.
So very grateful this day is over, and yet, so grateful Sam was finally able to get through to me the issue.
He apparently slept a lot more than usual today, still does not feel good, and tomorrow is chemo. I thought the sleeping was a good thing and he tells me the amount he slept is not a good thing which worries me. Tomorrow is a new day. Thank goodness.
Ciao.
Sending you light and love Dara, and reminding you that in the end, you're human and you can't always expect to do exactly the 'right' thing all the time. Thank goodness for new days. Hope this one is one filled with peace for you. Sending you the biggest virtual hug ever. Love Wren
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Wren. :)
DeleteHello up there! Just had a conversation which will lead to a sit-down with Dr. Roberson, a neurosurgeon. Roberson will look at my spine disease. He has already recommend surgery on my neck, very soon. But I will have something to talk with him about. What is that? He has finished the Iditarod three times. Imagine that. I would love to be able to even pet one of those dogs for a while.
ReplyDeleteI have been thinking about what is happening to me. I am tending to become testy with people who seem to be denying the reality of my cancer, my heart, my spine problems, or anything else. I know that many who speak these words of false assurance really do not know what is happening. "You will be all right." or "I have a cousin who had prostate cancer, and he is still alive after two years", or such.
In all this, even with my light dosage of "C", it seems to me that I need a personal counselor; someone besides Donella to "tell my troubles to." I do not think it is fair to dump it all on Donella. That is probably why I tell a lot of people about C. Sometimes going to church helps, but sometimes not. I can and do open up there. These people are my personal support.
I think a good addition to a C patient's sanity would be such a person, who has no other responsibilities in the patient's life. A good friends in church do this for me, but they need some training. I would be glad to give them what they need, just to be able to keep my own sanity.
Wow, Dad, that is great news that someone is finally taking you seriously. Here's a link I found to an article about Dr. Roberson and his Iditarod run just this last year. http://www.huskynews.com/news/oregon-doctor-chases-iditarod-dream-quebec-musher-wins-can-am/
DeleteIt definitely does help to talk with others about what is going on. Often, though, it is extremely difficult to put into words exactly what is happening. Unless you've been there, done that, you really have no idea the magnitude of the roller coaster ride.
I do hope Dr. Roberson provides answers for you.