Fishing tournaments seem a little like playing tennis with living balls... ~Jim Harrison, Just Before Dark, 1991

Helen (daughter #2) arrived Wednesday evening and we promptly took off for Homer as my work took me to Ninilchik, Anchor Point, and Homer Thursday and Friday.  Helen's goal...to catch a fish as she is her father's daughter.  The challenge is that fishing in Alaska is not what it has been in prior year's, so the pressure was on.  Sadly, though, she is headed home tomorrow without catching a fish, but as she says, memories were created and that is what is most important.  Check out the video of Sam giving Helen fishing lessons at Bird Creek today, the last stop before we got home in hopes of maybe catching a fish.  Sam did hook a couple, lost one and the other was snagged which he had to let to go (Alaska State Law).

So proud!

Seward's Silver Salmon Derby started yesterday and we did not know that until our arrival late Friday night to spend the weekend.  As soon as we figured that out, we all bought our derby tickets for Saturday in hopes of catching the big one.  We fished in several different places, but the best was Lowell Beach.  We were there in the middle of the day just lazing around, no one really catching anything.  In fact, I sat down for a bit and then decide to give it one more try...and bam!  I had one on and hauled it in before Sam even realized what was going on.  Once I caught mine, all the men on the beach rushed out to start fishing because you know...there is nothing worse than being outfished by a girl.  Of course, I insisted on registering my silver salmon (Coho) with the Derby judges and for a quick 30 seconds, I was in 2nd place with an official catch of 7.91 pounds, 1st place at that point was 7.95.  Darn it!  Then, Mr. 10.72 pounds showed up and that moved me into 3rd place quite rapidly. Those two were caught by people on boats, so I was, and still am, quite proud I caught mine on the beach.  Helen is certain I am going to win the prize for the biggest one off the beach.  That would be awesome (and would shut a certain person who lives with me up...just sayin'....)  By the end of the Derby, there will be many silver salmon well over 10 pounds but my few seconds of glory were very exciting.  And no, in case you are wondering, Sam nor Helen caught anything in Seward.

Clouds over Resurrection Bay.

Helen has not seen her dad in over a year and I am so glad she finally decided to come for a visit. It is difficult to convey to the kids how Sam is doing, even though they have already been through this process with their mother.  They need to see him, though, and he needs to see them. All three kids are in college, though, so it is a challenge for them to get to Alaska from Virginia and still have a few days to spend here with us.  Nikki is coming out over Labor Day weekend and we have yet to figure out plans for Alex.

Sam seems to be doing pretty good although yesterday was a challenging day. Friday was the one week mark from his chemo treatment and each treatment so far either brings different side effects or different timing of the side effects.  We made it through, though, and that is a good thing.  On my part, I need to constantly remind myself of the chemo because I tend to forget and then sit there wondering what in the world has brought on this crazy behavior.  Once I am aware of what is happening, I am better able to get a grip on my attitude and not feel the need to rise up and fight back thinking I need to defend myself.  Rather, I am able to calmly listen to what Sam is saying and move on.  Unfortunately, yesterday it took a couple hours of arguing for me to realize what was happening and back off.  Even then, it still took the entire day for me to gain some control over the situation and also reassure Sam that I indeed was listening to what he was saying.  Today, I am exhausted.

Yesterday he did tell me that he thinks we should visit some assisted living facilities here in Anchorage to get an idea of what is out there if we decide to go that route. Hearing Sam talk about that was extremely difficult for me as I want him here at home but it might not be the best option when the time comes.  Obviously that remains to be seen.

And no, we still do not (or at least I do not) know the actual results of the CT scan.  Still waiting for Sam to pick up the report at the hospital.

As for me, usually by Friday I am completely exhausted. Work is extremely busy and Sam demands my attention in the evenings when I get home.  Sunday evenings, because we live for the weekends, are spent rushing around doing laundry and attempting to clean house.  When Brian was here I told him cleaning is not a priority because I just have too many other things which are priorities.  Sam piped up with a "her Mom told me when we got married that she is not very domestic..."  Thanks Mom, although as I tried to explain to both Sam and Brian, I do not really think my mother was saying I do not clean, I think she was trying to convey to Sam work and play are much more important to me than staying home and cleaning house. One of these days I hope to hire a house cleaner, or rather, condo cleaner, and then I just will not have to worry about it again.

Ok, I am rambling.

Ciao!

Yeah. Ok. Whatever. Me, upon Sam calling to say the doctor had called.

Although we were to hear first thing this morning on the CT scan results, we did not hear until this afternoon. Even now, though, I am not certain the CT scan results were actually relayed to Sam instead of something else.  Friday during chemo the nurse mentioned he might need a shot for the off-kilter hemoglobin.  She called him later on Friday to tell him, no, he would not need the shot.  This morning he was at the doctor's office picking up an insurance document and no one said a word about anything except giving him the document.  This afternoon the nurse called and said the results came back at 7:15 Friday night and that he does need the shot after all, so he is headed back over there right now.  I have yet to figure out if these results were from the CT scan or from the lab tests.  Who knows?  As of right now, I am going with there are no blood clots until I hear differently...and if I do hear differently, I will not be caught by surprise.

Have I ever told you how much I love roller coasters?

Ciao!

Patience is not my best virtue. My own thoughts today

Sam's chemo treatments are normally quite unexciting.  Today, though, he told the doctor (and finally me) that he is experiencing chest pain and has been for about 10 days, plus his hemoglobin count is off. They sent him for a CT scan because there is now cause for concern that he might have a blood clot in his lungs.  Since it is Friday...guess what...we will not know anything until Monday morning.  So, I decided that all of you will just need to wait right along with me.  Waiting is definitely the hardest part.

We are headed back to the Little Su since our camp trailer is still there; however, if there is any fishing done, it will be from the bank and probably not more than 20-30 minutes at a time.  He is tired and his skin kind of has a little tint to it.  Of course, it could just be me trying not to freak myself out.  

On that note...have a terrific weekend everyone!

Ciao!

The two best times to fish is when it's rainin' and when it ain't. Patrick F. McManus

Before I get started with our fishing adventures, there is one small thing I must discuss with my Anchorage friends.  If I ever see any of you pulling into the bike lane at 15th & Cordova to make a right hand turn, and then make that turn on red although there is a sign staring you in the face telling you a right turn on red is ILLEGAL and that the lane you are in is for bikes ONLY, I will be the first person emailing the picture of you doing that with your license plate number directly to the city, the police and anyone else I can think of! Also, please be aware that if I cannot obtain your license plate at that moment, I will chase you down until I am able to do so.  This morning I even honked at the guy who pulled right up next to me and pointed it out to him...whereupon I realized he is an EMT because he had his uniform on.  Unbelievable.  OK, I will stop here with my ranting and raving just because I want to move on and talk about other things but just know I am still worked up about this and it has been a good 12 hours since I saw this guy.

Sam fishing on the Little Su.

Sam and I celebrated our 8th anniversary this week.  We both agreed it does not seem that long because so much has happened in those 8 years.  Most of it has been fun although there have been a few blips on the screen, specifically Sam's cancer.  Plus, the Ducks not winning the BCS and Denver drafting Tebow, both of which hopefully are rectified in the very near future!

Silvers are slowly coming into the Little Su, one of our favorite fishing spots, so Sam decided he wanted to spend the week up there.  I spent the weekend and came home Monday morning for work.  Tuesday night I went back up and took Wednesday off from work to celebrate our anniversary, although it was one day late.  Sam had already been fishing and so I decided to go out Wednesday morning with some of our campground neighbors.  Good thing, too, because we all limited out.  We came home last night with 5 fish, 4 silvers (sockeye) and 1 humpy (pink).  Humpies are not at the top of our list, but if you eat them while they are fresh, they are pretty good.  We will probably end up canning it, though, and will share with Rocky the Cat because salmon is the next best thing to Heaven as far as he is concerned and he is not a salmon snob.

Sam came back to town with me this morning as he had labs in preparation for his chemo treatment tomorrow.  We will head back to the Little Su for the weekend, coming home Sunday night.  Helen arrives on Wednesday to spend a few days with us, so Sam is already focusing on what to do next week while she is here.  Seward is on the agenda for at least next weekend.

His weight seems to be leveling off and his appetite has picked up for which I am extremely grateful.  Fatigue sets in after a few hours, so he spends a lot of his time napping.  Overall his temperament is good, although I will tell you the grumpiness rears its ugly head at the most surprising moments.  Hopefully the current scenario of side effects are the worst we will experience, although I will reiterate I do not like the grumpiness at all.

As for me, life is great. Sam and I are happy, work is terrific, my boss is awesome, my colleagues are the absolute best and I live in one of the most incredibly beautiful states in the US.  What more can a person ask for?  One of these days, you must come visit.

Ciao!

It's exhilarating to be alive in a time of awakening consciousness; it can also be confusing, disorienting, and painful. Adrienne Rich

Yep, that is me, exhilarated to be alive, yet I just had a confusing, disorienting and painful awakening moment. As Sam walks across the room, I suddenly realize he is losing weight...and it is noticeable. It is common for cancer patients on chemo to lose weight, but if you lose too much, the treatment stops.  What is the definition of "too much" and who determines it?  Regardless, I need to somehow make sure he gets enough calories daily. But I digress, because I simply wanted to tell you the realization made me very sad.  No matter what is said or done, the cancer continues to progress.  I would give absolutely anything to have a healthy husband, father, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends.  Cancer is a terrible disease and it affects not only the patients themselves but every single person around him or her.

Sam and Lance Mackey, 4 time Iditarod winner and cancer survivor
August 2011

Thank goodness tomorrow is another day, just ask Lance Mackey!

Ciao!

I get along with all the women singers, but especially Dolly Parton. We talk the same hillbilly language. Loretta Lynn

My Aunt Deanna, who passed away last week after a gallant fight with cancer, always reminded me of a combination of the female country singers including Loretta Lynn, Patsy Cline, Emmylou Harris and Dolly Parton.  Music filled her home constantly and tomorrow music will fill the air celebrating her life.  It makes me very sad knowing I am not there with my family but I know in my heart Aunt Deanna understands why I am not.  Enjoy your never-ending bubble bath in the sky, Auntie Dee, as well as all the halibut you can eat.  I will miss you.

Sam's BFF left Saturday night on the red-eye.  What a week those two had, lots of fish and several bear encounters.  Here's a link to a video of one, at about the 4.5 minute mark is when things start getting exciting.  Lucky me chose to stay at the campground, so I missed the entire thing, thank goodness.  

Sam & Brian's Grizzly Encounter  

This is a black bear we saw our first night at the Russian River.  The grizzly encounter was our last night there.  OHMIGOSH is about all I can say.

During the week while I surveyed logging roads and did other fun work things, Sam and Brian hung out, fished, went to Seward, and basically seemed to have a good time overall.  It definitely was good for both of them to spend quality time together. 

The week prior Sam had his 2nd chemo treatment of Alimta and carboplatin.  We did deal with the fatigue factor during the week and Sam was pretty darn grumpy at times, but we all survived.  Sam spent a good deal of time explaining to Brian where he is at in his thought process regarding how he wants to be cared for when the time comes he is no longer able to care for himself.  Needless to say, because Brian is not with Sam constantly and Sam is adamant about his way of thinking, there were some tense moments between them.  It took some time for Brian to wrap his mind around where Sam currently is in his cancer journey and for Sam to relax and not be so insistent about making certain he got his point across, but in the end I think both realized no matter what, they are and always will be best friends and brothers.  It was very sad to say good-bye to him.

Sam's doing pretty good although late last night he did tell me his fingers and hands are swollen.  He experienced shortness of breath quite often over the last few days as well as feeling cold all over, too.  From what I understand, these are all typical symptoms of lung cancer patients regardless of whether or not they are on chemo.  

This last week we both celebrated our birthdays, another milestone we did not know if he would make or not, so they were true celebrations.  The end of the month will be our 8th anniversary and since next week is board meeting week at work, we will probably celebrate over the weekend, either before or after, or perhaps both!

Wildfire-induced haze darkens the Alaskan sky above the Susitna river. July 19, 2012 Loren Holmes photo

Alaska's sunsets are magnificent right now due to fires in Siberia and other east Asia countries.  We tried to take some sunset photos but none turned out, so I borrowed this one from the Alaska Dispatch. Enjoy!

Ciao!

Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation. Brian Tracy

Many discussions Sam and I participate in usually end by with the same comment, "It's not as if you can hit a switch and turn it all off."  It certainly is not.  Most days Sam and I handle our situation fine, attempting to maintain as much dignity and grace as possible.  Then there are those moments when the reality of the situation really hits...and I am glad to say, that does not happen often, nor does it last very long.  That is when our attitude of gratitude steps in and reminds us of all the wonderful things we should celebrate, like the fact we live in Alaska and get to enjoy its bountiful and beautiful scenery every single minute of each and every day. More importantly, though, is for us to just continue moving forward, living life to its fullest.

This weekend, Sam's best bud since he was four is coming to visit us for a week.  My work is taking me to the Kenai Peninsula, so Sam and Brian will be tagging along, sort of.  They will be out showing off their fishing skills while I am out traipsing around in the mud, muck, and mosquitoes.  Somehow, that just does not seem very fair at all.  They will have a good time, though, and that is what is important.

Hiking the new trail behind the Talkeetna Alaskan Lodge that the
Student Conservation Alliance crews have been building for us.

Tomorrow is the second chemo treatment of this round for Sam.  The side effects so far have been minimal and I hope they continue to so.  As to whether or not it is working, only time will tell, I suppose.  His shortness of breath does not seem to have changed much, if that is any indication.

Sam volunteered to serve as an Election Worker this year for District 18 which should keep him busy for awhile.  The most challenging part will be the long hours on Election Day(s) since after about four hours, his energy level is gone. He will be exhausted, if nothing else.  Training is in a couple weeks, and luckily, it is only for a day. That will provide a good basis for deciding whether or not this is a good idea.

So, in case you have not heard, we did purchase a travel trailer last week.  It is awesome.  A cute little Keystone Hideout, just perfect for the two of us.  We took it out on a trial run last weekend and even took the cats with us.  Rocky, of course, loved every minute of it.  Sweet Pea, on the other hand, hid under as many pillows and blankets she possibly could.  Big tough cat of ours - quite the hunter, but sure is not very brave.  And the guy I live with who fought buying it suddenly took ownership and came up with a long list of things needed...so we spent all day last Saturday going to Target, Lowes, Fred Meyer, Home Depot, Walmart, and anywhere else he thought might have whatever it was that was on his list of "gotta haves".  Each evening this week I have barely hit the door and he is ready to go down and take me on a tour to see his project for the day.  Hmmmm.....yeah.

Loaded and ready to go when Brian gets here on Saturday.

It is fun to see him excited about something, though, that is the best part.

Work is very busy right now and for that I am grateful, plus, I finally found the job I have been looking for since I graduated from college.  Only took me 30 years!

So, again, just keep moving forward, be grateful for whatever life throws at you, and enjoy every minute of it!

Ciao!