Sam received his test results today and I am only partially aware of them as once again, I did not get invited to the doctor's appointment (it is that control issue thing many terminally ill patients experience.) There is fluid in the left lung. This news caught me totally by surprise. Interesting thing is, that is about all Sam shared with me. Tomorrow I am expecting a copy of the report in the mail, so hopefully I will find out more. Then again, maybe I do not want to.
Tonight Sam, in passing, also said he might have a stress fracture in his left pelvis/hip/femur area. The challenge with this is there has been no X-ray or MRI done, it is just the level of pain he is experiencing in that area each time he moves. If he keeps complaining of the pain, I am going to insist we go back to the ER.
Sam is walking with a cane for now as is putting forth such a great effort to keep on going.
As for me, I am having a difficult time right now. I so desperately want wish he was going to be ok. As my mother says, I'm just having a moment, I'll be ok in a few minutes.
q'ua
Friday, May 31, 2013
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
You gotta love livin', baby, 'cause dyin' is a pain in the ass. Frank Sinatra
Yes, the posts are getting few and far between and for that, I apologize. It is difficult to write when it is the same thing over and over again. The pain is getting worse. Much much worse. Tonight, for example, the amount of pain Sam is in is almost too much for me to bear. The radiation proved to be ineffective, at least so far. The entire left leg is in pain and Sam is unable to lift his leg by itself, he must use his hands to help lift. The talk now is of getting a walker or a wheelchair as he is unable to walk or stand without any pain. We expected possible issues from his back, but not from his leg. It is heartbreaking. The amount of pain meds also increased at the last appointment and I am now thinking the next appointment might even bring a whole new ballgame.
On a happier note, Sam's sister Gina and
partner, Mitch, came for a visit over Memorial Day. They met us in Talkeetna where I worked all last week. One of the activities we wanted to do was jetboat up the Susitna River through Devils Canyon. Well...if you have not heard...summer did not arrive in Alaska until late last week. The river did not begin break up until Saturday. Instead, we rode the Hurricane Train, basically the local service, to and from Talkeetna. We almost did not make it back to town because the ice was coming up over the track. Oh boy! But, the river subsided enough for us to safely return quickly.
Thank you to all who sponsored myeslf and/or members of the Glass Half Full team in the 2013 Alaska Clean Air Challenge. WOW. What a ride. Next year is going to be even bigger and better, so if you have any desire whatsoever, the Glass Half Full team would love to have you join us. The first day was a blizzard and the second day was sunshine which made the ride that much more challenging for those who chose to ride on the first day. Brakes, tires, gears, everything froze up so most people rode in one gear for a good part of the way, if not all of the way. It was amazing. Glass Half Full raised the most money as a team and, thanks to all of you, I managed to raise the most funds individually with 3 of my team members raising over $1000 each as well. We broke records this year. Alaska is one of the remaining states in which smoking is allowed in some workplaces throughout the state. I will not get into the craziness of how this all works, but in the 2014 legislative season, the Alaska Chapter of the American Lung Association will be working hard to make it illegal to smoke in any and all workplaces throughout the entire state.
Just so you know, as I sit here looking at the thermometer on our deck with the sun shining directly upon it...it reads 100 degrees. Yikes. Thank goodness it is only because of the location of the sunshine. Otherwise, it is probably about 70 out and very, very sunny. At least for another day.
q'ua
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| Sam, Dara, Gina, Mitch and the Alaska Railroad Hurricane Train |
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| The Mighty Susitna! |
partner, Mitch, came for a visit over Memorial Day. They met us in Talkeetna where I worked all last week. One of the activities we wanted to do was jetboat up the Susitna River through Devils Canyon. Well...if you have not heard...summer did not arrive in Alaska until late last week. The river did not begin break up until Saturday. Instead, we rode the Hurricane Train, basically the local service, to and from Talkeetna. We almost did not make it back to town because the ice was coming up over the track. Oh boy! But, the river subsided enough for us to safely return quickly.
Thank you to all who sponsored myeslf and/or members of the Glass Half Full team in the 2013 Alaska Clean Air Challenge. WOW. What a ride. Next year is going to be even bigger and better, so if you have any desire whatsoever, the Glass Half Full team would love to have you join us. The first day was a blizzard and the second day was sunshine which made the ride that much more challenging for those who chose to ride on the first day. Brakes, tires, gears, everything froze up so most people rode in one gear for a good part of the way, if not all of the way. It was amazing. Glass Half Full raised the most money as a team and, thanks to all of you, I managed to raise the most funds individually with 3 of my team members raising over $1000 each as well. We broke records this year. Alaska is one of the remaining states in which smoking is allowed in some workplaces throughout the state. I will not get into the craziness of how this all works, but in the 2014 legislative season, the Alaska Chapter of the American Lung Association will be working hard to make it illegal to smoke in any and all workplaces throughout the entire state.
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| Glass Half Full - Joann, Kimi, Ellie, Cindi & Dara 2013 Alaska Clean Air Challenge |
Just so you know, as I sit here looking at the thermometer on our deck with the sun shining directly upon it...it reads 100 degrees. Yikes. Thank goodness it is only because of the location of the sunshine. Otherwise, it is probably about 70 out and very, very sunny. At least for another day.
q'ua
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. Edward Abbey
Summer! Or at least...what might possibly be summer, I think...hope...PRAY! This weekend is the inaugural camping trip regardless of the weather. Sunshine would be awesome.
Sam is doing ok. Radiation on his upper left femur lasted for ten days and he says he has yet to notice any real difference in the pain level. That is not good news, yet the doctors say it could be awhile before any effect is realized. Luckily, Sam is still maintaining a pretty good mood and I am very greatful for that. He does get grumpy every once in a while, but that is usually indicative of him needing to eat. Or maybe it is indicative of me needing to eat! I digress.
The pain meds add a level of fatigue which is difficult for me to deal with. Normally, Sam is up and ready to go on weekends, but not anymore. This past weekend it finally occurred to me that I am more bummed than I realized about the fatigue. Another light bulb moment in my life. Overall, though, each day I do see an improvement in his energy level and that is an awesome thing.
Other than that, the past few weeks proved to be rather uneventful except for a short walk we took on the Bird to Gird path a few weeks ago. A simply beautiful day to be out on Turnagain Arm.
As for me, I am training, or at least claiming to be training, for the 2013 Alaska Clean Air Bike Challenge. Only 11 more days! And no, it is not too late to donate - http://action.lung.org/site/TR?px=4777818&fr_id=6580&pg=personal. Or to just come ride with us.
Q'ua
Sam is doing ok. Radiation on his upper left femur lasted for ten days and he says he has yet to notice any real difference in the pain level. That is not good news, yet the doctors say it could be awhile before any effect is realized. Luckily, Sam is still maintaining a pretty good mood and I am very greatful for that. He does get grumpy every once in a while, but that is usually indicative of him needing to eat. Or maybe it is indicative of me needing to eat! I digress.
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| Sam on Bird to Gird trail. |
Other than that, the past few weeks proved to be rather uneventful except for a short walk we took on the Bird to Gird path a few weeks ago. A simply beautiful day to be out on Turnagain Arm.
As for me, I am training, or at least claiming to be training, for the 2013 Alaska Clean Air Bike Challenge. Only 11 more days! And no, it is not too late to donate - http://action.lung.org/site/TR?px=4777818&fr_id=6580&pg=personal. Or to just come ride with us.
Q'ua
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