No man needs a vacation so much as the person who has just had one. ~Elbert Hubbard

That would be me!  Although we just got home Sunday morning (very early, I might add) from our vacation, I am more than ready to go again.

Waimea Canyon aka the Grand Canyon of the Pacific

Sam handled the traveling fairly well, much better than either of us anticipated.  The snorkeling, on the other hand, proved to be a bit more challenging than he anticipated, but luckily he quickly figured that out.  Once we got home, the exhaustion set in and he is still recovering today, 2 days later.

Sam & Dara, Kauai 2013

Just before we left, Sam received the results from his last CT scan.  The doctor told him there was no change from the scan Sam had 3 months ago.  Honestly, I never know whether or not to believe this or not since I do not go to the doctor appointments with him, so I only have to go on what he tells me.  From my previous experiences at these appointments with him, I can say Sam often does not hear everything that is said.  But if he says there has been no change, that is what I go with.

So many things happened in the world while we were on vacation!  Just to name a couple:  My Denver Broncos lost a heart breaker - luckily it was the first full day of our vacation so I rebounded quickly!  Chip Kelly left the Oregon Ducks for the Philadelphia Eagles - Sam seems to be dealing with that just fine.  Priorities.  We will be yelling for the Niners in the Super Bowl because west is best, don't ya know?!  Plus, the Niners are Sam's favorite NFL team although Seattle ranks right up there, too.

Work is going really well for me, in case anyone is wondering.  I still feel the same about it when I was hired, it is like the job I have been searching for all my life; and now, I am no longer searching.

q'ua

Happy New Year!

A new year!  And as several people pointed out to me, this year is the first time since 1987 that the year is made up of 4 different digits.  Your trivia for the day.

13-3.  Broncos.  'Nuff said.

Christmas 2012

Sam and I enjoyed ourselves the past couple weeks, watching football, relaxing, praying for snow, watching football, praying very hard for snow, watching more football, and praying even harder for snow.  Anchorage received a bit and then after our long unending deep freeze, the weather took a crazy turn and we headed for a tropical punch.  Pretty crazy.  Some snow is still on the ground, but not much. And because we want true warmth and lots of sunshine, we made our plans the other night and Sam and I are headed for Kauai in a week or so.  Our apologies to all our friends and family on the mainland. This is a good time for me to get away because although work is very busy right now, in a few weeks, it is going to be even more so getting ready for summer.

Admittedly, I am slightly nervous.  Ok, more than slightly.  Sam's energy level is pretty much next to nothing and because I know I will drive him nuts constantly looking at him to make sure he is still breathing while we are on the plane, I need to find something to keep me very busy or just flat out asleep.  He mentioned last May we should make this trip but I did not dare follow up on it.  The last time we flew he experienced difficulties but hopefully this time he knows what he needs to do in order to not let those things happen.  He says he does and I believe him.  I think.

Friday is his 3 month CT scan since the chemo ended.  Next week we will learn if the chemo slowed the progression in his lungs or not.  Because of this crazy roller coaster ride we are on, I refuse to get my hopes up one way or the other.  Or perhaps a better way to put it is hope for the best and expect the worst.  That way, I will not be disappointed.

Christmas I experienced a few moments of wondering if this is our last together.  Granted, a person never knows when they are going to die, but most of us expect to live well into our 70s, 80s, and 90s, not our 50s.  I only allowed myself to go there a few minutes with Sam and then we both pushed the thought out of our minds and went on with the evening.  Unfortunately, though, the thought is always there.  I see it but I choose to only recognize it.  This was our fourth Christmas living with the cancer and each year is getting a bit easier.  Perhaps I am at a plateau with the grieving.  We shall see, I suppose, although everyone tells me (the doctors, my support group, etc.) that the more grieving I do on "this side" the less grieving I will do on "the other."  Have I mentioned that before?  I just experienced a de ja vu moment, so I apologize if so.

2013 is going to be a great year and I am truly looking forward to living life to its fullest to the best of not only my ability, but our ability together.  Making memories.

q'ua