Sam's pain is much better today, probably a combination of pain meds, blood thinners and whatever else he is being given. The swelling in his left leg seems to have gone down a bit and it is not as hot as it was yesterday. He says the knives which were pricking him in the chest have also decreased, but again, do not known if it is the meds or the painkillers or a combination of both.

The RN did give me a shock when he was in. Sam's blood counts are off and if they do not get resolved, it is possible he will need a transfusion. They will be doing full blood tests again tomorrow so we will know more then.  More than likely this is from the chemo, but as with everything else, hard to know for sure.

Sam's mood is much better than yesterday, too, for which I am extremely grateful.

Thank you everyone for all your kind words of support. They are greatly appreciated. Sam needs to get better because silvers (Coho) will be in soon and they are calling our names!

q'ua

Writing this from my phone so I apologize in advance for grammar and spelling!

Sam was admitted about 1 today to Alaska Regional. He'll be here for 2-3 days at least as they work through everything that is going on. Hia spirits are good but he is in a great amount of pain. They are doing what they can and are treating him very well. Also waiting for cultures to come back because there is also an infection as he has a fever which is quite rare for him.

Yes, in answer to those wondering, I have been home, showered, rested and am now back at the hospital.

The RN did get right down in his face to tell him what a lucky guy he was to still be alive. Not sure it got through to him because of his meds, but she is right...he is a lucky man.

Thank you for your thoughts, prayers and support. Makes a huge difference.

q'ua

In a battle all you need to make you fight is a little hot blood and the knowledge that it's more dangerous to lose than to win. George Bernard Shaw

So much is going on, I am not sure where to even begin.  Nor can I remember where I left off.  As I  previously noted, Sam's left leg is giving him trouble.  One night a few weeks ago, he showed it his very swollen ankle.  Surprise!  Shortness of breath also became an issue, so much so last week we were in Seward for my work and he insisted I bring him back on the 4th.  Little did I know he planned to call 911...and what a shock I got when I decided to take advantage of coming home for a short bit to take a quick shower and find out as I am walking out of the bathroom wrapped in towels that he called 911 just before I got out.  Hello.  Admittedly, my first thought was, (my Anchorage girlfriends understand what I am saying here...) oh boy, AFD is coming to visit and here I am.  Quick!  Get dressed and comb out the hair!  Took me about 20 seconds compared to my normal 20 minutes and that is before the blow dryer comes into play.  Then I realized I probably should be worried about my husband, which of course, I was...but AFD was coming to visit!  The paramedics who showed up were so kind and gentle with Sam, it really did almost make me cry.  By the time they arrived, Sam's breathing had relaxed, so his vitals were actually quite good.  Because he did not mention his leg, they told him that the shortness of breath was probably a result of the progression of the cancer and that even if they took him in, there was probably nothing anyone could do.  Which, in the grand scheme of things, is very true.  Would have helped if he had told them about his leg!  And by the way, just because I am standing there does not mean I have permission to speak, don't you know?  Anyway, long story short, at chemo on Tuesday he finally showed the physician's assistant and the nurses his oxygen levels went crazy whenever he moved, lowering to the low to mid 80s.  Not good.  But...again...everyone continued to insist it is due to the pulmonary tumors in his lungs because he still does not mention his leg.  ARGH. If only I could have a few minutes with the staff....

Last night, after checking his oxygen content several times, and then asking me to wake him when I got up for work this morning, he promised to call the doctor and tell them everything.  So off to work I go, and in the middle of my 11:00 meeting, I receive a text...doctor appt at 2, need ultrasound first, have to check in at desk by noon.  Luckily, my meeting is close to home, I make it there in about 2 minutes flat, get to Regional in record time (all the while the back seat driver sitting next to me is telling me which route to take through Fairview to get to Regional the fastest, but please do not speed, ok?) We get into Radiology and I am watching the ultrasound and I am seeing what I expected to see...a blood clot.  Not just a little one, either. It extends from just above the left knee to just below mid-calf.  Sam is so very lucky.  I pray we caught it in time.  When he received the results, he said..."so it is true."  Twice a day he is to inject himself in the belly with enoxaparin for 10 days.  Tuesday, unless something happens before then, he goes back in for one final chemo treatment this round.  Monday, this chickie is calling the doctor and chatting with him because today he was told by the staff it is due to him sitting in the wheelchair all the time. HELLO!  The reason the wheelchair is even here is because of the pain he experienced when standing on the leg.  I do not know who to be more angry with at this point, Sam for not telling everything (but, in his defense, he is on heavy pain meds, so he is lucky to remember his name at times) or the staff for being so...so...so I don't know what!  Anyway, I am calling the office on Monday.  Sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.  Even Sam commented on the way back from the VA pharmacy that the blood clot might have been around for a couple months or longer.  No kidding.  Ok, the sarcasm is starting to show through, so I better get off this subject and talk about something else.

Tomorrow is Fairview's (our neighborhood) Block Party.  If Sam is up to it, we are going to head on over during our Saturday stroll.  This summer's weather has been amazing, even the week of rain we had.

CIRI property at Crooked Lake

As for me, work continues to be extremely busy.  Summer is field season and my job is to deal with land access matters, including educating everyone that CIRI is a private company which means CIRI lands are private lands, not public lands.  It is a common misconception that the ANSCA corporations, especially the regional corporations, are public agencies.  They are not, never have been, and never will be.  Everyone needs a permit to be on CIRI and/or its villages' lands.  Does not matter who you are or what you are doing, you need a permit.  They are extremely easy to apply for and relatively easy to get (unless it's a big project and those tend to take awhile). If you do not have a permit, you are in trespass...meaning even those people who believe Fire Island is public land.  Just putting the word out.  In a couple weeks CIRI's Land Department is beginning a huge public education campaign.  Even if we can get this message through to one person, we will consider it to be a success.  So Alaska friends...take note, please.

Did I mention AFD came to visit?

q'ua

It is the evening of the day, I sit and watch the children play; I sit and watch as tears go by. Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Andrew Oldham

Yes, I am living in nostalgia this weekend as it is the Evans' family reunion which once again, I am not attending. So, I am feeling quite sorry for myself knowing the fun that I am missing. My cousin Peggy was an extremely talented musician and I used to make her play this song for me over and over again so I could sing it.  Luckily she was extremely patient, plus she loved to play and sing herself so it worked out well.  She is now in heaven and I am sure she has everyone rocking and rolling now right along with her.

Out for an afternoon stroll.

Sam is doing pretty good.  After many months off from any treatment, and after discovering that the cancer is once again spreading rapidly, Sam decided to try another line of chemo.  This time it is Gemzar which originally was for breast cancer but is also used in other types which have spread like Sam's has. Once a week for 2 weeks, then one week off, and then it repeats. His pelvis, hips and left leg are pretty much, as he puts it, like Swiss cheese.  Walking is almost impossible, therefore 3 weeks ago the wheelchair became a household staple.  He uses a cane in the condo and a wheelchair whenever we go anywhere.  It is painful for him to walk and painful for me to see him grimace in pain.

He did tell the doctor and me that if he does not see an improvement in the hips/pelvis/leg, he sees no reason to continue the chemo.  Personally, I would rather he not be on it as his quality of life really suffers which in turn means mine suffers as well.  I do not want to go through another summer like last year, if it can be helped.  One nightmare is more than enough in my opinion.

The other night we had a lengthy discussion about where this is probably going to lead.  He mentioned hospice and, well, I can completely understand why.  He is struggling to breath, struggling to walk and struggling to cope with the pain.  Going on hospice, though, only means that the pain management will increase and all other treatments will stop.  Sam could be on hospice for a long time.  Then again, as we all know, it could end tomorrow.  If nothing else, Sam has done his best to make the most out of his situation.  The minute the wheelchair was delivered, he was online ordering a camera, flag, gloves and a variety of other gear.  Crazy man.

As for me, summer is in full swing meaning work involves long days of site visits.  The thing about Cook Inlet Region, Inc.'s land is that there is a lot and it is cookie cutter, meaning it is all over the place.  Takes a lot of time driving, flying or whatever to get wherever I am going, but I love every minute of it.  Have not yet had an opportunity to go fishing, but hope to sometime in the next couple weeks.  The freezer is empty!

q'ua

When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love. Marcus Aurelius

Tomorrow is a big day for us.  Picking up a permanent handicap parking permit and Sam is having a light weight wheel chair delivered, one with big back wheels so he can get around on his own.  Tonight he seemed a bit testy and I am certain it is due to tomorrow's events.  It will be an interesting day.

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. Buddha

Sam received his test results today and I am only partially aware of them as once again, I did not get invited to the doctor's appointment (it is that control issue thing many terminally ill patients experience.)  There is fluid in the left lung.  This news caught me totally by surprise.  Interesting thing is, that is about all Sam shared with me.  Tomorrow I am expecting a copy of the report in the mail, so hopefully I will find out more.  Then again, maybe I do not want to.

Tonight Sam, in passing, also said he might have a stress fracture in his left pelvis/hip/femur area.  The challenge with this is there has been no X-ray or MRI done, it is just the level of pain he is experiencing in that area each time he moves.  If he keeps complaining of the pain, I am going to insist we go back to the ER.

Sam is walking with a cane for now as is putting forth such a great effort to keep on going.

As for me, I am having a difficult time right now.  I so desperately want wish he was going to be ok.  As my mother says, I'm just having a moment, I'll be ok in a few minutes.

q'ua

You gotta love livin', baby, 'cause dyin' is a pain in the ass. Frank Sinatra

Yes, the posts are getting few and far between and for that, I apologize.  It is difficult to write when it is the same thing over and over again.  The pain is getting worse.  Much much worse.  Tonight, for example, the amount of pain Sam is in is almost too much for me to bear. The radiation proved to be ineffective, at least so far.  The entire left leg is in pain and Sam is unable to lift his leg by itself, he must use his hands to help lift.  The talk now is of getting a walker or a wheelchair as he is unable to walk or stand without any pain.  We expected possible issues from his back, but not from his leg.  It is heartbreaking.  The amount of pain meds also increased at the last appointment and I am now thinking the next appointment might even bring a whole new ballgame.

Sam, Dara, Gina, Mitch
and the Alaska Railroad Hurricane Train

The Mighty Susitna!

On a happier note, Sam's sister Gina and
partner, Mitch, came for a visit over Memorial Day.  They met us in Talkeetna where I worked all last week.  One of the activities we wanted to do was jetboat up the Susitna River through Devils Canyon.  Well...if you have not heard...summer did not arrive in Alaska until late last week.  The river did not begin break up until Saturday.  Instead, we rode the Hurricane Train, basically the local service, to and from Talkeetna.  We almost did not make it back to town because the ice was coming up over the track.  Oh boy!  But, the river subsided enough for us to safely return quickly.

Thank you to all who sponsored myeslf and/or members of the Glass Half Full team in the 2013 Alaska Clean Air Challenge.  WOW.  What a ride.  Next year is going to be even bigger and better, so if you have any desire whatsoever, the Glass Half Full team would love to have you join us.  The first day was a blizzard and the second day was sunshine which made the ride that much more challenging for those who chose to ride on the first day.  Brakes, tires, gears, everything froze up so most people rode in one gear for a good part of the way, if not all of the way.  It was amazing.  Glass Half Full raised the most money as a team and, thanks to all of you, I managed to raise the most funds individually with 3 of my team members raising over $1000 each as well.  We broke records this year.  Alaska is one of the remaining states in which smoking is allowed in some workplaces throughout the state.  I will not get into the craziness of how this all works, but in the 2014 legislative season, the Alaska Chapter of the American Lung Association will be working hard to make it illegal to smoke in any and all workplaces throughout the entire state.

Glass Half Full - Joann, Kimi, Ellie, Cindi & Dara
2013 Alaska Clean Air Challenge

Just so you know, as I sit here looking at the thermometer on our deck with the sun shining directly upon it...it reads 100 degrees. Yikes.  Thank goodness it is only because of the location of the sunshine.  Otherwise, it is probably about 70 out and very, very sunny.  At least for another day.

q'ua