It is the evening of the day, I sit and watch the children play; I sit and watch as tears go by. Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Andrew Oldham

Yes, I am living in nostalgia this weekend as it is the Evans' family reunion which once again, I am not attending. So, I am feeling quite sorry for myself knowing the fun that I am missing. My cousin Peggy was an extremely talented musician and I used to make her play this song for me over and over again so I could sing it.  Luckily she was extremely patient, plus she loved to play and sing herself so it worked out well.  She is now in heaven and I am sure she has everyone rocking and rolling now right along with her.

Out for an afternoon stroll.

Sam is doing pretty good.  After many months off from any treatment, and after discovering that the cancer is once again spreading rapidly, Sam decided to try another line of chemo.  This time it is Gemzar which originally was for breast cancer but is also used in other types which have spread like Sam's has. Once a week for 2 weeks, then one week off, and then it repeats. His pelvis, hips and left leg are pretty much, as he puts it, like Swiss cheese.  Walking is almost impossible, therefore 3 weeks ago the wheelchair became a household staple.  He uses a cane in the condo and a wheelchair whenever we go anywhere.  It is painful for him to walk and painful for me to see him grimace in pain.

He did tell the doctor and me that if he does not see an improvement in the hips/pelvis/leg, he sees no reason to continue the chemo.  Personally, I would rather he not be on it as his quality of life really suffers which in turn means mine suffers as well.  I do not want to go through another summer like last year, if it can be helped.  One nightmare is more than enough in my opinion.

The other night we had a lengthy discussion about where this is probably going to lead.  He mentioned hospice and, well, I can completely understand why.  He is struggling to breath, struggling to walk and struggling to cope with the pain.  Going on hospice, though, only means that the pain management will increase and all other treatments will stop.  Sam could be on hospice for a long time.  Then again, as we all know, it could end tomorrow.  If nothing else, Sam has done his best to make the most out of his situation.  The minute the wheelchair was delivered, he was online ordering a camera, flag, gloves and a variety of other gear.  Crazy man.

As for me, summer is in full swing meaning work involves long days of site visits.  The thing about Cook Inlet Region, Inc.'s land is that there is a lot and it is cookie cutter, meaning it is all over the place.  Takes a lot of time driving, flying or whatever to get wherever I am going, but I love every minute of it.  Have not yet had an opportunity to go fishing, but hope to sometime in the next couple weeks.  The freezer is empty!

q'ua

When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love. Marcus Aurelius

Tomorrow is a big day for us.  Picking up a permanent handicap parking permit and Sam is having a light weight wheel chair delivered, one with big back wheels so he can get around on his own.  Tonight he seemed a bit testy and I am certain it is due to tomorrow's events.  It will be an interesting day.