"You hold the key in the palm of your hand, use it! Don't blame your life on the master plan, change it!" Lyrics to "Life is a Song Worth Singing" Written by Thom Bell and Linda Creed, sung by various artists including Teddy Pendergrass and Johnny Mathis

Our Alaska geography & history professor

Fish On! was not shouted with glee this past weekend, darn it all.  In fact, I do not think we saw more than 2 fish being caught at the Homer Lagoon the entire 3 days we were there.   Sam and I both wanted to head to the Copper River this week for dipnetting but between my work, his chemo, and the weather, it just is not working out. So instead, we are headed to Ninilchik to fish with our newly adopted family (they do not know this yet, but I think they are getting the idea...) and I am fairly sure we will be jumping up and down hootin' and hollerin' this time around.  

Fishing at the Homer Lagoon

Camping on the Homer Spit in a tent is quite the experience, especially if you are camping next to Sam and Dara.  We are tent campers as most of you know, and although I am slowly trying to talk Sam into a trailer/camper/motorhome, he is not yet completely sold on the idea. So, off we went to Homer with (luckily!) 2 tents, one large and one small, just in case.  The wind is blowing like crazy when we arrive, but that does not deter us from attempting to put up the larger tent at first.  We spend about 30 minutes fighting the wind.  Pieces of firewood are on each corner holding the tent down as we gallantly attempt to put the poles in place all the while fighting the wind which is blowing the tent over flat to the ground.  There is even a point when Sam insists I go inside the tent and try to hold it up from there while he does whatever it is he thinks is needed to hold the tent up from the outside.  Oh boy.  Needless to say, that does not work either.   The people we are camped next to (of course in an RV) come over at that point and, grinning widely, ask if we could use an extra hand or two, actually 3 sets in this case - husband, wife and adult son - all whom kindly attempt to assist.  I take the opportunity to whisper to the wife, "This is actually all working out perfectly for me!"  She laughs and says, "Been there, done that!"  Bless her heart, she immediately starts making comments such as "Perhaps a metal floor might be better" and "Firm walls are sometimes a good thing."  Oh yes, she is a woman after my own heart.  Sam finally relents and agrees that perhaps a trailer would be better at this point.  NO KIDDING!  Too bad we do not have one to jump into; however, we do have the smaller dome tent which we promptly pull out, put up and spend the weekend in all comfy and cozy.  Luckily, we had to use the dome tent because if we would have managed to set up the larger tent we would have been terribly disappointed.  Until we unroll the backpacking mattresses we do not remember that we had thrown out our larger air mattress last summer due to excessive wear and tear!  Another blessing in disguise.  The best part is, I am one step closer to my goal of no more tent camping if I can help it.  What more can a girl ask for?

Campground Guard Eagle

Tonight Sam is recovering from his first chemo treatment (Alimta and carboplatin) this round.  As I am writing, I can hear him struggling with his breathing and I do not think he recognizes that he is.  It is difficult to listen to without saying anything. If I do say something, he will accuse me of panicking and I am far from that at this point.  One of the many lessons I have learned over the past 2-3 years, believe me.  So far his side effects are limited, only sweats and a bit of nausea when he got home this afternoon.  I dropped him off about 9 at the doctor's office where they did the labs, he met with the P.A. and then did the chemo.  Friday will be the telltale 48 hour mark and thankfully I will be at work.  Sam is really good about texting or calling me throughout the day to keep me informed of what is happening, so I trust he will let me know if anything extraordinary is happening at that point.  The 48 hour mark is the moment I dread the most because he is not at all pleasant to be around, so it is definitely another blessing in disguise that I have to be at work.  The addition of the carboplatin makes this round of chemo different from the one last fall, so this is an entirely new situation for us and one which requires us to pay close attention to everything.  The serious side effects for carboplatin include things such as itchy hands.  Sam told the nurse today it is not unusual for him to experience itchy hands normally and she accused him of being a troublemaker.  If she only knew...

One of the best things about Sam being on disability is that I do not have to cook when I get home.  Now, if only I could get the cats to clean house, life would truly be perfect.

Ciao!

"Fish on!" What I hope to be shouting several times over the next 3 days.

Summer is in high gear in Alaska.  Earlier today I told a friend that it is almost stressful all the activities we, as Alaskans, try to cram in in just a few months time.  As for us, we just returned from Kodiak on Sunday, and now we are off to Homer for 3 days in the morning.  Sam wants to camp on the Spit and since I have a 3 day weekend, it is the perfect time.  Hopefully the weather cooperates and the fish are in.  So far fishing on the Kenai Peninsula is not all that good, and since we have had rain the past few days, maybe the darn fish will finally start coming in. For Sam's sake, I hope the fish are in and are biting!  We get a little competitive when it comes to fishing (if you can believe it!), so of course, I plan on pulling in the first and the biggest.

Lights of Homer Spit from the ferry at 1:00 in the morning.

As this is the week before Sam's chemo is to begin, he spent the week getting his meds in order and confirming insurance information.  Tonight he gave me a rundown on how the doctor and he decided to increase one of his painkillers (the long-acting) while decreasing another (the "break-through.")  I admit, my knowledge of painkillers increased tenfold over the past 3 years.  As he talked, the lightbulb went on and I realized why his mood had been so nasty the past few days. It would almost be funny if it weren't so sad. I admit I did not handle the mood swing very well at all which did not help the situation.  Luckily, as of last night, he is back on an even keel.  He is not in the least bit aware of what any change in meds does to his mood.

Wednesday, June 13, Sam begins his chemo treatment.  Although he does not seem to think his reaction will be any different than it was in the fall, I am fully prepared for it to be since other things are scheduled to be included this go round.  The 48 hour mark occurs while I am at work Friday morning and that is usually the worst time, when the chemo hits the cancer cells and the body is basically at war with itself.  The joys of the roller coaster of cancer!

Tomorrow, Friday, June 8, is Cook Inlet Region's (CIRI) 40th birthday, which is why it is a 3 day weekend for me.  Nothing like an unexpected holiday! Work is very busy and during the summer, work increases dramatically.  Tuesday and Wednesday I spent up in the Matsu dealing with trespass issues and checking out some of our lands which I had not visited previously.  Tuesday proved to be an absolutely beautiful day, and Wednesday, just the opposite.  It felt good to be able to work outside for a couple days, made the work week go by much faster and the surprise holiday makes it even better.  I love my job.

Ciao!

"Woke up, it was a Chelsea morning and the first thing that I heard - Was a song outside my window, and the traffic wrote the words..." Lyrics to Chelsea Morning, Joni Mitchell

Another quick note as I am off to work for a couple hours and then headed back to Kodiak to bring Sam and the cats home tomorrow on the ferry.  If you have never been to Kodiak Island, you need to go.  More on that later.

Sam chowing down at the Kodiak Crabfest.

Sam is doing ok this week, although he did tell me yesterday his lower back is really bothering him.  The lower back is often a point of pain for many lung cancer patients as oftentimes what they are actually feeling is pain from tumors in their lungs.  In Sam's case, he is challenged by tumors in his lungs and in his back - a double whammy.  It sure does not seem to stop him, though, as he was out fishing yesterday (with no luck!) on the Olds River on Kodiak Island.

We have yet to see bears...I will be bummed if we leave the Island without seeing any!

Ciao!

“Never allow a person to tell you 'no' who doesn't have the power to say 'yes.'” Eleanor Roosevelt

Sam visited with his oncologist today who confirmed what we thought regarding the conclusions from the CT scans.  The Tarceva is no longer effective and on June 13 Sam begins a chemo regimen much like the one he was on last fall, Alimta every 3 weeks.  The only difference is that the Alimta will be mixed with Carboplatin this time.  The goal is to control the growth and metastases of the pulmonary tumors.

The nurse told Sam his heartbeat is high but that is almost expected at this point.  As he talked on the phone with me I could really hear the shortness of breath he is starting to experience as well.  Yes, I admit, it made me really sad.  His attitude, as I have stated before, is phenomenal so I chose not to point out the breathing to him; otherwise, I would have ruined his day and mine.  He did tell me that getting started this morning took him longer than ever before.  We will adjust our schedule accordingly so that I do not leave before he is up and moving around.  Getting up early on Saturday to go fishing might prove to be a challenge!

Be sure to thank a Veteran this weekend.  

Ciao!

It's my life And it's now or never 'Cause I ain't gonna live forever I just want to live while I'm alive (It's my life)...Jon Bon Jovi, Lyrics from "It's My Life"

Today Sam and I officially celebrate our 4th year of living in Alaska!  Wow.  So much has happened and we have so much still to do.  Tomorrow night we head out for Kodiak, catching the ferry in Homer early Friday morning.  Both of us are really looking forward to it.

Knik Glacier from our secret overlook.

Our weekend at Knik River Lodge was fabulous.  No rain, no wind, some clouds, we could not have asked for more.  We hiked to a spot overlooking the Knik Glacier and the trail is quite primitive!  A little over 5 miles roundtrip and some spots required hand over hand climbing.  Our knees hurt like crazy the next day!

Although Sam's appointment with his oncologist is not until tomorrow, he picked up the results from last week's CT scans on his chest, abdomen and pelvis yesterday because we could not wait any longer.  It is not what we want to hear.  "Numerous bilateral soft tissue density pulmonary parenchymal nodules are present, increasing significantly in size and number from previous, too numerous to count bilaterally."  In other words, the tumors in his lung surrounding his heart, including the main one directly behind his heart, increased significantly in size and numbers since the prior CT scan 3 months ago.  Right now I am not going to venture a guess at what the doctor will say tomorrow.  It might very well be that he does not see this as serious as we do (there is always hope!) Or, he will confirm our thoughts.

In the past when things changed, it normally took 3-4 days for the both of us to wrap our minds around it.  This time, not so much.  We knew something changed but we did not know what.  Putting my thoughts into written words is proving to be a struggle for me.  Plus I do not want to be like the boy who cried wolf, yet I want you to fully understand the situation.

The doctors at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance told us this was a definite possibility which eventually would lead to Sam being unable to breath.  However, at this time, that is not a problem because, as Sam noted, his lung capacity is above average which is probably his saving grace right now. Otherwise, his quality of life would be suffering and we would be making other decisions.

No matter what, we are headed to Kodiak!

If time allows tomorrow, I will post a quick note as to what the doctor and Sam decide to do from here.

Ciao!

Got no checkbooks, got no banks, Still I'd like to express my thanks - I got the sun in the morning and the moon at night. ~Irving Berlin, "I Got the Sun in the Morning," 1946

Cindi, Kimi, myself &Violet just before the start.

Last weekend was the 2012 Alaska Clean Air Bike Challenge (in case you did not know) and it was simply the most amazing weekend I have experienced in a long time. John Thain, KTVA Channel 11, interviewed Sam and I to kick off the ride, then followed me with camera and microphone for a few miles along the route on Saturday morning.  The interview was aired Monday night and again on Tuesday, and just in case, here is the link:  Glass Half Full. While riding along after I returned the bike camera and mike to John, I must admit I experienced a bit of melancholy, missing Sam and worrying about him being alone for the weekend.  Right then, it hit me that the Glass Half Full team captain needed to get out of that mood immediately, which I did.  Between my teammates, the other 300 or so riders, the weather and just the fact I was actually participating in a 120 mile bike ride in some of the most beautiful country, lifted my spirits immensely. There was a bit of rain the first day during the ride, hail that evening, beautiful sunshine Sunday morning with an incredible view of Denali...and then...the last 20 miles or so, a headwind which just about sent every one of us over the edge!

The view from my room at Talkeetna Lodge.  Denali in all his glory.

There were so many inspirational stories among the riders.  One woman was diagnosed with stage IIIB lung cancer and is an 8 year survivor.  She and her husband biked together and he is now preparing for the Seattle to DC bike ride this summer. Absolutely phenomenal people!  I am already looking forward to next year.

Sam is doing ok.  Yesterday was his monthly Zometa infusion for the bone mets and today was the CT scan for his lungs/abdomen/lower back region.  Hopefully it will show what is causing the pain and other issues, if not, an MRI will be the next step.  His spirits, as always, are great which makes the entire situation so much easier to deal with. Of course, it also helps fishing season is upon us and he has other things to think about.

The first of our many weekend jaunts is tomorrow as we are off for the weekend to Knik River Lodge.  Next week on the 25th we are headed to Kodiak for 10 days.  We are both really looking forward to that even though, as I noted previously, I will be flying home to work for a few days and then flying back.  Plus, Sam informed me this evening he will be taking his "kayak" along.  Oh boy.  I will have to find the picture of him in the kayak and you can judge for yourself but let's just say...he barely sits above the water. I will just do my best to not think about it!

Ciao!

It's not having been in the dark house, but having left it that counts. President Theodore Roosevelt

One more day!  Hard to believe but it is finally here, the 2012 Alaska Clean Air Bike Challenge.  The fundraising is now a bit of a competition, too.  Yessirree...there are not many things that get me truly motivated but losing first place to a boy/man/person of the male persuasion just does not set well with me and the person in second place is exactly that.  At check-in the other day I heard he is stalking me and is out to beat me.  Well, let me tell you what...there is NO way that is going to happen.  So, in case you are still interested in supporting me - here's the link and Saturday at noon is the deadline.  Dara Glass - Clean Air Bike Challenge.  All dignity and humility has been thrown out the window at this point!

Ok, enough of that.

Just in case you are wondering, I wrecked on my bike last Saturday at the end of my training ride. In fact, and I am so embarrassed to admit this, I was in our condo building's parking garage getting ready to stop my bike and hop off, when WHAM!  Down I went.  There is now a very lovely yellowish, black, blue and purplish goose egg on the fatty part of my left arm between my elbow and wrist and it hurts to rest it on my desk and type.  It is a deep bruise because it really did not show up until Tuesday, 3 days after the fact.  I iced it thoroughly Saturday when I finally got upstairs and again on Sunday when I got home from the Bike for Women, otherwise, it would probably be about 3x the size it is now.  I finally have a battle wound and I am so very proud.

Even moose know how to Tebow which is what this guy
was doing when I saw him on my bike ride the other day.

Sam is doing ok.  Next week he is scheduled for an MRI and CT scans because of his head and his legs with the results coming the following week.  As Sam says, it is what it is because there just is not anything we can do about it anyway, just make the best of what life throws at us.  I know he is not feeling all that good, though, because he has not been doing much which is very unlike him.  And, I admit, he is much more patient than I am when it comes to waiting for the results.  I want them NOW not tomorrow or the next day but NOW.  Can you imagine?

This will be the first weekend since we moved here that we will be apart and I think we are both suffering a bit of apprehension about it, although if you asked Sam, I am sure he would deny it.  It is an odd feeling, though, knowing if anything happens to him I will not be here to help.  I am sure he will be fine, but there is still that little part of me that worries.  On the other hand, Rocky and Sweet Pea will be here to entertain, so the three of them will probably not even miss me!

Ciao!